We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson Can Anxious People Date Avoidants? We're Talking Attachment Styles
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Apr 16, 2026 
Dr. Amir Levine, neurobiologist and psychiatrist who studies attachment, explains why anxious and avoidant people get stuck in cycles. He outlines what each style seeks in partners. He breaks down CARP tools, how avoidant withdrawal looks, social media and loneliness effects, and when different style pairings can work.
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Attraction Is Biological Then Attachment Shows Up
- Attraction often comes from basic biological cues like smell and looks rather than attachment type.
- We discover someone's attachment style after initial attraction, so partner choice isn't usually driven by conscious attachment matching.
Avoidant Passenger Missed A Relational Cue
- An avoidant patient moved to a different airplane seat to stretch and then stayed away, upsetting his new girlfriend.
- He was genuinely puzzled why she was hurt, illustrating avoidants can care but miss relational cues.
Avoidance Is Not Gendered Or Uncaring
- Avoidant attachment appears in all genders and isn't simply male behavior or lack of care.
- Many avoidant people report being content alone and not intuitively responding to others' emotional needs.
