Planet Earth: The season finale — Nat Damena, Marty Smiley, Lewis Hobba, Dan Ilic

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13th August 2021

We are joined by guest fearmongers from the House Warming podcast.

Marty Smiley
Nat Damena

As well as regulars Dan Ilic and Lewis Hobba

• IPCC Report
• Young Liberals Auctioning off Coal
• George Christensen's New Website
• Brad Hazzard's "Other Backgrounds"
• Lockdown Etiquette 

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Dan Ilic  0:00  
This podcast is supported in part by the birth of foundation. Good evening, Lewis. Hello, Daniel. How are you? I'm, well, I I like the rest of our listeners want to know, how are you going with Billy Joel's Vienna?

Lewis Hobba  0:14  
I, I've just rushed home from work. And I had five minutes to spare before the podcast started. And I just had a quick practice. And I can get from the very start to the very end in a fashion.

Dan Ilic  0:28  
Oh, wow. Like, like still with stops and starts or you know, going, Okay.

Lewis Hobba  0:33  
I would like if you heard it, you wouldn't be like, Oh, it's Billy Joe, you know. But for a person who hasn't touched the piano since he was five. It's functional. Like, if you knew the song, you heard me playing it, you would probably go. I reckon that guy's playing Billy Joel's piano.

Dan Ilic  0:50  
Well, also, a lot of people don't know really, Joseph. It's one of the more obscure village owl songs I thought I was, I thought I was well across the oeuvre of Billy Joel. But I had never heard of Vienna till last week.

Lewis Hobba  1:03  
This is exactly why I chose it. You see, because if I chose Piano Man, and I'm at a party, and here we can have parties again. And there's a piano there and I sit down and I start going there, then everyone look at me and go that guy and he knows one song, and it's piano. Whereas if I stop playing the piano, they like no one in their right mind would only learn Vienna, this guy must be a pianist because it must be the 1000 songs he knows. So it's all mind games. You know, the next one is they're going to want you to play piano like but don't worry. You're not going to go to a party until 2015. So it's totally fine. Well, much like Billy Joel I already resent piano and

Dan Ilic  1:45  
a big shout out to all our new Patreon members dissuade now I'm just gonna read them out usually I'm doing at the end of the show these days, but I want to read them out because I've got some we got some good ones. Simon nevel Mars page MCAT Sharon pates Diane Swan, Stacy Smith, Lindsey Jenkins, Alex Turnbull is chipping in on into our Patreon now which is great. And also I think Greg hunt is chipping you know now on our page because someone by the name of baby w comm pumpers 69.

Lewis Hobba  2:17  
I like this he gets the actual porn star Greg Hahn accidentally like

Dan Ilic  2:22  
it's so messed up the widow baby w come number 69 is giving us 10 bucks amount of config thank you to all our Patreon supporters you can hit to patreon.com forward slash

Lewis Hobba  2:31  
irrational fears I was just gonna say a big thank you to all the come pumped

Dan Ilic  2:35  
family. big thank you to everyone related to come up pumped the 69 I'm recording my irrational fear on gadigal land in the urination sovereignty was never seated. We need a treaty. Let's start the show.

Unknown Speaker  2:46  
A rational fear contains naughty words like bricks, camera, fed gum, and section body or rational view recommended listening by immature audience.

Dan Ilic  2:59  
Tonight Rianna is now officially a billionaire and like all billionaires the singer is planning to head into space to open a diamond mine in the sky and Australia is ranked last among 200 countries for its action on climate change. Prime Minister Scott Morrison says it's not a race and the AC T goes into lockdown after one positive case proving that the camera bubble can be burst by a little prick. It's Friday the 13th of August what's got to drop first these COVID cases or Donda? This is irrational fear.

Welcome to irrational fear. I'm your host, former premier of Queensland Danny let's let's meet our fear mongers for tonight. And now, since breaking out as a Best Newcomer nominee, the Perth Comedy Festival he's been forced to work at the chaser and the feed is net domina. Thank you for having me. Now net what's the worst thing about working for the chaser? The sexual advances watch. These often referred to as the Lebanese Australian Louis Theroux, but don't try to pigeonhole this young Walkley winner. It's Marty smiling. Now, Marty, how many former channel vape presenters have walkways? Is it just you in Java? That's a yes,

Marty Smiley  4:20  
Java won a Walkley Award for his deep dive into bone smoking.

Dan Ilic  4:30  
And he's often referred to as the next Billy Joel. It's Louis Alba.

Lewis Hobba  4:33  
Thank you so much. Yes. The 55 key Piano Man, my piano on the piano boy. It's like I'm doing a gritty rabid of the piano man. I'm the son of piano.

Dan Ilic  4:44  
Soon we get stuck into this week's fears. But first here is a message from our sponsor. Homeless series

Unknown Speaker  4:50  
finale of Palermo lots of things are really heating up.

Unknown Speaker  4:56  
Mr. Morrison it's with regret to inform you that the snow is On fire, you need to do something.

Unknown Speaker  5:02  
Now I've always said, I've got a plan. And the plan is the plan. It's a planning plan that's been planned. I've always said that will David Attenborough and the Earthlings be able to stop the missions in the time? Now you Listen here, Scott, we've

Unknown Speaker  5:18  
only got a couple of years left until the point of no return. The numbers are just not looking good.

Unknown Speaker  5:24  
Well, that's great, then we can blame the collapse of the earth online, or will they suffocate themselves and every other living creature in a toxic soup of stinky greenhouse gases?

Unknown Speaker  5:37  
Everything is dying, Mr. Morrison, and you're doing nothing.

Unknown Speaker  5:42  
I'm not going to do anything that will cost jobs and the most of risk jobs are those on the boards of fossil fuel companies that all need after I lose the election in eight months time. I've always said that. I find out and this the potentially last ever series of the show, but jumped the shark up to the red now songs.

Unknown Speaker  6:15  
Planet Earth is recommended for mature audiences. It contains strong six themes as the whole globe gets royally fucked.

Dan Ilic  6:26  
Yeah, there you go. Production date production display.

Lewis Hobba  6:31  
Who's ready for fun?

Dan Ilic  6:32  
Yes. The IPCC dropped their latest report this week and it was not the feel good event of the year we were promised. And the unsurprisingly bleak report basically means the earth is fact we factor and we're still fucking it. And if we would have a chance to continue as a species as in to keep on fucking each other. We need to stop fucking the planet ASAP. Fear mongers, how has the IPCC report impacted your wake net?

Nat Damena  6:58  
Well, it seems like every like climate change report that comes out is like worse. It's, it's worse, and also stating the same thing over and over again, which is there's a problem. No one's ever offering any solutions.

Marty Smiley  7:16  
That they just tell us it's bad that it's getting worse. And as Dan described to me at a time, it's fun.

Nat Damena  7:23  
Well, I read the article today. Let's say we've got to keep the temperature of the earth below 1.5 degrees Celsius by 2030. Otherwise, there'll be unpreventable damage to the but the article also said, If we can't do that, we'll do 1.6. And if we can't do that, we'll do 1.7

Marty Smiley  7:41  
I did say that it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Lewis Hobba  7:45  
You think they've already given out Li look? 1.5 is the dream but we're aiming for three?

Nat Damena  7:49  
Yeah, they're moving the goalposts. Yeah. Like, it's like if I said, Look, I'm going to try and eat one packet of Mac and chase tonight. I'll try the two if not

Dan Ilic  8:00  
three, it is yeah, sorry. It is. It is interesting to see how this is being kind of, you know, dealt with this week across the political spectrum. I don't know if you saw the same day as that report came out the young liberals in the AC t were holding a fundraiser in Canberra, where they auctioned off a lump of coal from the Adani Carmichael mine. How much do you think a lump of coal from the Adani Carmichael mine would go for at a young liberal fundraiser? How much do you think I went for?

Unknown Speaker  8:32  
Oh, god $500 It's a good question. I don't know the price of a lump of coal and I

Unknown Speaker  8:39  
feel terrible about

Dan Ilic  8:40  
this. Yeah, this is a very john Houston gotcha moment here. A very couldn't explain the cost of a GSA in a cake. Now these lumber coal went for 20 $600 someone paid $2,600 for a lump of coal from the Adani coal mine. Just to what I own the greens

Nat Damena  8:58  
to be fair, like we do live in a world where people pay over $6,000 for bags of air from concerts.

Marty Smiley  9:03  
Well, yeah, like you know, Justin Davis like the water balled or he left on stage, like I would pay a lot of money for that lump of coal that scomo had in Parliament House. I mean, that is iconic clump of coal, that one straight in the poor.

Dan Ilic  9:18  
Isn't that quite indistinct from an other bunch of lumps of coal, you'd have to get it signed and authenticate a certificate

Lewis Hobba  9:24  
to all lumps of coal look the same to you their age lump of coal is a snowflake beautiful and individual.

Marty Smiley  9:33  
Classic climate change activist chatter

Lewis Hobba  9:37  
it's funny, like the only positive if the climate change report for me was that it bumped my lockdown panic down a pig. Like 12 weeks into Sydney lockdown, I'm losing my mind my anxiety never been worse. And I'm like, well, this is the worst thing that will ever happen to me. I'm like, Oh, that's right. I'm gonna burn in 10 years. That's actually was

Marty Smiley  9:59  
some Who has been caught in a climate change disaster? The New South Wales floods of this year? I can't tell you guys it's it's a very scary thing to be caught in. And I can tell anyone listening at home, you know, you don't want to be in the situation I was in. I was stuck at an Airbnb that cost $200 a night to be there for a week. And I was caught in a town that I would never want to spend more than

Lewis Hobba  10:30  
48 hours in, you know, Barnaby Joyce is always like, we don't know the cost of climate change. Marty should be like 200 bucks a night.

Dan Ilic  10:39  
We do know the cost we do know that we have to have the numbers and a written a custom delivery as well. So boring.

Marty Smiley  10:48  
Actually cannot I mean, this is maybe a bit wrong, but floods are by far the most boring disaster. Like is it slowly encroaches. But it takes ages for the water to subside. I would go down there each day to see if I could leave over the bridge Saqqara, john to Richmond back into to New South Wales to the city. And and you know, I would go down 10 centimetres, it's it's not it's not fun.

Dan Ilic  11:14  
This is that that is that is a big, big claim for a man that's currently in his 48th day of lockdown in Sydney. It's so strange and the Australian Financial Review the same day the report came out they ran an opinion piece. This is the headline for the opinion pace. It's called the headline ran. It said high quality Australian coal is lowering global carbon emissions. They ran it right and it was written. It was written by a guy called Paul Flynn and I checked out, I checked out who Paul Flynn was the opinion pace was part of the CEO and managing director of Whitehaven coal,

Marty Smiley  11:54  
like, Oh, god, oh, God, we need extinction rebellion back is is what we need. We need big stunts. We need people back on the streets. And it's a bit it's a bit difficult at the moment. I like what he's

Nat Damena  12:09  
doing. You know, I want to see people put a positive spin on global warming away to see about all the tissue and get out, organise a press conference and go up and say, Look, global warming, it might look bad, but it's delivering fresh clean water in Africa, one iceberg at a time.

Lewis Hobba  12:28  
Like the people who I worry about the climate changes, the fire firefighters, you know, there's always like, there's stories of the one or two firefighters who get bored throughout the summer and go on lighter fire. Yes, that let's be like that. They'll never have to do that. Again. All I have to do go home and run the dryer for 24 hours like you can start a fire for the next 100 years.

Marty Smiley  12:52  
Dan, would you be into doing a sort of extinction rebellion style santia you have done a lot of stunts in the past and your comedic career. Would you be interested in say building a boat? And because you've been letting people know about climate change for some time now you are a sort of NOAA of Australia. I see you as a character within the Australian political scape

Dan Ilic  13:17  
Marty I think boatbuilders is a boom industry. I think there's gonna be I think for where we live in Sydney. I think boat building is going to be the future people living on boats as a future and Marty dare I say when there's a flood I will have an Airbnb on a boat you can rent out.

Lewis Hobba  13:35  
Well, if there's one thing it's funny that the Australian Government has actually invested so much more in like building boats and submarines then in climate change. They're spent like $43 billion on a never ending submarine programme. And they're just like, we're not gonna fight climate change. We're just gonna make sure we can put us all of Australia underwater when the time comes

Marty Smiley  13:54  
with being governed by preppers. That's Scarborough's. That's the thing. Basically.

Nat Damena  14:01  
scomo doesn't look like a prime minister. He looks like him in his wife owner budgerigar farm in North Queensland. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker  14:09  
A 100 or two year old bedridden woman has been ordered to prove her date of birth or have a pension cut off calls and emails to send a link with

Dan Ilic  14:20  
a rational fear. This week second fed national MP George Christiansen will not run for the for the Nationals after the next election in order to spend more time with these WordPress. Yes, George Christians. So there's going to start a pro freedom website in the style of Judge report. I don't know have you ever seen the Drudge Report? It's just like this terrible looking website that just has links to other websites and I don't know if you know anything about the internet. There are quite a few other websites that do that job very efficiently. So Eva has some competition. Currently, the nation first.com.au website which is his website is And it needs a password to exist. But before it went down the new daily check it out. And it said, out of the 31 links that were displayed on the websites homepage 30 are from news articles from America. The 31st article was a link to a blog that Mr. Christiansen had published in January asking former US President Donald Trump to issue a pardon to WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange and saying it would be a blow to the deep state.

Lewis Hobba  15:31  
But he does something that isn't necessarily terrible. It's still for insane reason. Isn't that like Australian culture to just take something from America from America. But also, I love that he's

Dan Ilic  15:43  
saying we blow to the deep state and George Christensen is part of the deep state he is. He's in government, he is literally a nationals party.

Marty Smiley  15:55  
person is like, the next election in his mind is like, I'm already out. I am no longer a politician.

Lewis Hobba  16:03  
It's like, such a like, the that approach is so like the the guy at school who no one liked, because he in his belief at Parliament, everyone is hanging out together except him. He's like, this is Barry's a group of people. That includes everyone but may

Nat Damena  16:24  
feel like he wanted to start like a right wing podcast and couldn't figure out how the buttons worked

Marty Smiley  16:30  
outside a bunch of links that it's got interesting blogs, there's so I'm gonna tell this and blogs are dead. It's like using Alta Vista to do your searches online.

Dan Ilic  16:41  
He would be better doing a right wing podcast now. I think so. You mean you guys run a podcast? How hard is it to actually have your own podcast?

Marty Smiley  16:49  
Incredibly, yeah. It's very time consuming. I'd say that. I mean, it's very easy if you don't want to do a good job. Yes.

Lewis Hobba  17:00  
That's how we've always been running it. Yeah.

Dan Ilic  17:03  
It's what other kind of content Do you reckon we can expect from this? This Drudge Report style? George Christian did some websites some travel reports of Southeast Asia? Yeah, maybe some recipes.

Marty Smiley  17:14  
I'd love to see like a news breakdown with him with the whip, like called the whip. You know, it's just sort of crack at his way through Conservative News.

I want to say like a Watchmojo top 10 movie death that made you cry. I'd love to see Christian says listicles 10 ways you know you're a liberal. Maybe a photo gallery to his favourite lumps of call.

Dan Ilic  17:42  
Big Johnny day on YouTube says parenting tips.

Lewis Hobba  17:49  
Yeah, he could go daddy, blogger, plays dog use the phrase George Christensen, Ed Daddy, and the same thing.

Unknown Speaker  17:57  
I know how George's mind works. If you start prodding the bear, you're going to make the situation worse for us as a complement. When you've got a thin margin, and start giving reasons for byelection a rational fear,

Dan Ilic  18:11  
this week's third fear it's safe to say the New South Wales the health minister is a major hazard. Yes, Brad hazard this way caused a bit of a ruckus. Please

Lewis Hobba  18:19  
get out, get my

Dan Ilic  18:21  
podcast, Brad has added this way caused a bit of a ruckus in Sydney Southwest when during the daily COVID-19 briefing, he said this

Unknown Speaker  18:29  
configurable, I think, probably something in the order of 90 95% a very high percentage of people are complying. And we're seeing that in places like Fairfield. They've made such a difference there and brought the numbers down to such a low level. I want to thank the people in Fairfield. But there are other communities, other people from other backgrounds, who don't seem to think that it's necessary to comply with the law and who don't really give great consideration to what they do in terms of its impact on the rest of the community.

Dan Ilic  18:57  
While there are people from other backgrounds other than being from Fairfield one when my dad came out to Australia from Fairfield Hey, Tommy, life was tough back in the face back. That's why he moved to a craft fair mungus what background is Brad has on talking about his

Marty Smiley  19:19  
zoom backgrounds? Is he is he gonna go at PayPal in their offices? Are they choosing the wrong setting? Was that what's going on? I can't imagine who he I mean, why does it he just say it you know libs. Always. You know, we are who we are was just sad. just name it may

Nat Damena  19:42  
be amazing, like going on to Twitter and like saying like the response to this clip and everybody being like, well, what is what does he mean by that? What does he mean? He's being racist? That's what he means by Yeah,

Marty Smiley  19:55  
there was no question from the press gallery. Someone would just ask Sorry, you being racist right now in a press conference about health.

Lewis Hobba  20:07  
You know, talking about French au pairs, it's brown,

Marty Smiley  20:11  
wild allegations and of course the mayor for Canterbury Bankstown said it was a bit of a low blow. He wasn't happy with it either. either. I will say, I did get sent a video. Yeah, and my cousin in the West when this all began, and it was one of our liberties brothers on a horse riding his way through the Main Street. Bankstown. So, look, you know, maybe there is some things that the community is doing, but I don't think we should be targeted or singled out for it.

Lewis Hobba  20:42  
But I honestly think if every one was on a horse, if every Australian I actually think that'd be the like, we're all socially distanced, you can't get close. You wouldn't need a mosque. If every single Australian had a horse. No one can punch a horse if they're riding one. Sir.

Dan Ilic  21:02  
Marty, I didn't watch the Olympics last week, but I didn't see any of our cousins from Lebanon in the dressage. Yeah. There was a bread hazard later on winter, kind of rub salt into the wounds and continue on with his diatribe

Unknown Speaker  21:18  
here in New South Wales with people we're just a small element, small group who have caused these problems if they would just behave themselves and have an element of decency towards the rest of the community. We would sort this problem out.

Dan Ilic  21:31  
There's nothing more decent than writing down the middle of Bankstown on a horse it's totally fine. We're bringing joy to the people I don't know what he's all about. And decency. Why Why is all of this talk about decency? You don't need to like lay down a coat on the on the on a paddle for a lady to cross the road these days. Yes,

Marty Smiley  21:53  
kept a bond that we're trying to have a gangland war out here and there. We've got a lot of restrictions that are getting in the way at the moment. So maybe think about that before you start singing.

Lewis Hobba  22:03  
Honestly, like I know that the New South Wales Police are so crazy about gang warfare, like regardless of how big or small it actually is, but can I just say I feel like if all of the gangs once again, we're on horses. I know I'm harping on about this but I'm saying give give every gang a horse and a lance. Yeah, take it back to the full jousting days. They would not be an Australian member of the public who would not be on the side of the gang like it should be like Australians love and Italian gang bed hydel Lebanese gang, gang, they'd all be mad for a host gang.

Marty Smiley  22:39  
We should get you on the VR team for some of the most prominent gangs. Good Lois. emerged as a good man for the community this

Lewis Hobba  22:51  
protests like people always chanted hos cops, get those animals off those horses. Just be like, put those Lebanese on those horses. get around this. No justice, no peace officers for the Lebanese.

Dan Ilic  23:14  
That is it for rational view tonight. big thank you to activate Mati body smiley, Louis, all that. What would you like to plug plug folks Marty in that way

Marty Smiley  23:21  
out? Yes, please. As I said, we do have a podcast. It's called house warming. We record it right here in this room actually in our share house. And it's about renting and all the woes and miseries that go with it.

Dan Ilic  23:36  
And you've had some really famous people on there you've had like, lots of ex smiley,

Marty Smiley  23:45  
a chap called Daniel Sloss. We had Linda Mariano this week, who revealed that she used to snap still snacks from Louis unbelievable. I

Lewis Hobba  23:53  
just saw that clip a second ago. I'm like, because Linda Mariano if you don't know her is literally the nicest person I've ever met. Like she's so kind and generous and wonderful and interesting and brilliant. And the fact that for the last four years she's been stealing my snacks has changed everything I've known about her and the ones you gotta look out for this one on the horse. Lewis Would you like to plug anything? No, Dan, nothing for me.

Dan Ilic  24:24  
I want to plug a podcast called irrational fear. It's really great. Make sure you head to the Patreon and chip in so we can pay for it assistant. So it's patreon.com forward slash irrational fear. Big thanks to road Mike's Patreon supporters both the foundation also Jacob round on the tepanyaki timeline Rubin day guests and also Robbie McGregor. Until next week, there's always something to be scared of. Good night.

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