The Simplicity Parenting Podcast with Kim John Payne #42: Intervening in Sibling Conflict
May 8, 2019
Sibling conflict can be tricky! Learn when to step back and let kids resolve issues on their own. Discover a handy three-step tool for parents to facilitate resolution without taking over. Kim emphasizes checking in with children to see if they need help while encouraging problem-solving skills. The importance of being a calm presence is highlighted, alongside tips for gently intervening when asked. Consistent practice helps kids become better conflict resolvers, reducing their reliance on parents over time.
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Workshop Tested Method
- Kim John Payne describes sharing this three-step approach with parents during workshops and finding it reliably useful.
- He notes it's one tool among many but one parents often appreciate adding to their toolkit.
Ask If They Want Help First
- Ask children, "Do you need my help or are you sorting this out for yourselves?" to interrupt escalation and invite them to choose problem-solving or support.
- Stay physically present nearby if they say they'll work it out, so you can monitor and step in if needed.
Request A Plan Or Step In
- If children say they can work it out, ask for their plan and offer to help enact it when useful, like fetching extra materials.
- If they say they need help, move in close and assist directly to resolve the conflict quickly.