631 Create the Opposite of Hate with Sally Kohn

Apr 23, 2018

Sally Kohn, a writer and activist known for her work on reducing hate, shares her journey from political commentary to exploring the roots of hate in society. She discusses her personal encounters with bullying and the surprising warmth she experienced at Fox News, which spurred her research. Sally highlights the importance of understanding our biases and the power of diverse interactions to combat them. She emphasizes the need for kindness and engagement with opposing views to foster social change, reminding us that we all have the capacity for both cruelty and compassion.

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ANECDOTE

Hate Mail Triggered Self-Reflection

Sally Kohn began receiving hate mail while at Fox News which forced her to confront her own past cruelty.
That triggered memory of bullying a classmate called "Sticky Vicky," and deep regret that influenced her book.

INSIGHT

Hardware Vs. Software Of Hate

Humans have an evolved hardware capacity to hate but who we hate is learned software.
That means prejudice isn't innate and can be reprogrammed by changing culture and habits.

ADVICE

Make Biases Conscious

Make unconscious biases conscious so you can examine and change them.
Increase awareness because awareness is the first step to counteract biased behavior and institutions.

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"Just because hate feels justified doesn't mean it's justifiable." - Sally Kohn
Let's be honest: we've all done things we regret.
They may have been when we were kids or adults. They may have affected just ourselves or many people around us. But it's likely we remember doing them because we regret them.
This is something that's not easy to talk about.
But there's something really valuable in recognizing the parts of ourselves that are capable of doing things we regret.
I recently met a woman who gave a TED talk (and has now written a book) about this exact topic.
Sally Kohn is a CNN commentator who has attracted huge amounts of haters during her career as a political speaker.
As our society has gotten more divided, hate seems to be taking over a lot of actions and discussions.
So Sally decided to do a deep dive study on why we hate and what the opposite of that is.
She talked to her own haters, she traveled to countries that have experienced genocides, and she discussed the psychological pieces of what's going on.
This was a powerful conversation about a topic that isn't always easy to discuss. I really appreciated Sally's willingness and honesty in discussing how we can each shift our habits out of hate and bias and into open-mindedness and respect.
No matter what you've been through or what you believe, I know there's something valuable to learn for all of us in Episode 631.
Some questions I ask:
Do we believe our friend group or the media more? (9:50)
How do we start thinking differently about people [versus relying on bias]? (13:10)
Why did you start working for Fox News with your point of view? (19:30)
How much bullying is happening today in schools? (30:22)
How do we start to repair our habits around how we treat each other? (37:03)
In this episode you will learn:
What getting hate mail taught Sally about her own ability to be mean (3:05)
The difference between our brain's hardware and its software (8:15)
What happens when we wear "masks" to hide our true identity (18:50)
Why it's important to talk to people who believe differently than you do (21:45)
How mass atrocities can happen (and be avoided) (27:20)
Why we don't usually see ourselves as the starters of hate (38:37)
How to forgive and understand haters (40:15)
Plus much more...

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