Harvard Thinking Forgiving what you can’t forget
Apr 24, 2024
Laura Thompson, clinical psychologist who teaches mindfulness; Matt Potts, Christian theologian and author on forgiveness; Tyler VanderWeele, public health scholar on religion and health. They define forgiveness versus justice, tease apart decisional and emotional forgiveness, and link unforgiveness to mind-body stress. Conversations cover forgiving loved ones, community reconciliation, and practical mindfulness-based steps.
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Make A Decisional Commitment First
- Distinguish decisional forgiveness (a choice) from emotional forgiveness (a slower internal change).
- Tyler VanderWeele suggests committing to goodwill even if emotional forgiveness lags behind.
Unforgiveness Traps The Nervous System
- Unforgiveness activates threat responses, keeping the nervous system in fight-or-flight.
- Letting go of rumination permits the body to enter rest-and-restore states and improves health.
Closer Hurt, Greater Motive To Forgive
- Offenses by loved ones feel worse but relationships' long-term value can increase motivation to forgive.
- Tyler VanderWeele notes close relationships offer fertile ground for repeated forgiveness and growth.