UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone 471. Coaching Hotline: Teaching Thought Work to Teens & Managing Phobias
Mar 3, 2026
A mom asks how to teach thought work to a resistant 15-year-old and whether teens can learn emotional processing. The conversation covers why coaching without permission backfires and how modeling and offering thought work works better. The other thread explores intense fear of heights, accepting anxiety instead of resisting, and locating the thoughts that fuel panic.
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Stop Coaching Teens Without Permission
- Do stop trying to coach a 15-year-old without permission and focus on your own thinking instead.
- Kara Loewentheil says forcing thought work on a teenager creates resistance and cannot be controlled, so do your own work and model it.
Model Thought Work Instead Of Forcing It
- Do your own emotional work and model thought work rather than trying to fix your child directly.
- Offer invitations like "I'm learning this thing that helps me, would you like to hear about it?" instead of forcing exercises.
Your Wish For Change Reflects Your Own Thoughts
- Insight that your desire for your child to change is often driven by your own thoughts about how their behavior affects you.
- Kara points out that wanting him to stop raging is tied to your feelings and beliefs, not purely altruism.
