10% Happier with Dan Harris Do You Care Too Much What Other People Think of You? Avoid Conflict? Say Yes When You Shouldn't? | Dr. Ingrid Clayton, Fawning Expert
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Dec 1, 2025 
Dr. Ingrid Clayton, a trauma specialist and author of 'Fawning', explores the concept of fawning as a relational trauma response that drives people-pleasing behaviors. She details the differences between chronic and situational fawning, discussing how it affects our daily lives and workplace dynamics. Clayton emphasizes the importance of recognizing and owning anger, as well as practical strategies to set boundaries and regulate the nervous system. She highlights that while wounding occurs in relationships, so does healing, advocating for deeper self-awareness and vulnerability.
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Power Shapes Survival Choices
- Power hierarchies (patriarchy, racism, classism) shape when bodies choose fawning over fight.
- Fawning often feels more adaptive when fight or flight would worsen danger.
Shift From Blame To Context
- Reframing "What's wrong with me?" to "What happened to me?" reduces shame and opens healing.
- Trauma-informed meaning restores context and reduces self-blame.
Reclaim Anger Through Embodiment
- Notice bodily sensations and ask "What am I experiencing?" to access anger and needs.
- Use self-compassionate gestures (hand on heart) and linger in the sensation to learn from it.
