People tell me I should talk to somebody, but no one wants to listen
Apr 13, 2026
Why “just talk to someone” can feel dismissive and what first-person versus third-person understanding really means. Six practical ways to feel heard when people seem to brush you off. Alternate outlets like writing, art, and content creation as paths to connection. Tips on asserting needs with loved ones, self-compassion, action over rumination, and turning to spiritual supports when helpful.
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Why 'Talk To Somebody' Feels Dismissive
Saying "you should talk to somebody" often feels dismissive because it implies you should talk to someone else, not the person you're already talking to.
Dr. Scott Eilers distinguishes first-person understanding (lived experience) from third-person understanding (empathic extrapolation) to explain why many feel unheard.
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First Person Versus Third Person Understanding
First-person understanding comes from someone who has lived a very similar struggle and provides deep visceral acknowledgement.
Third-person understanding is extrapolating from your own experiences and is more widely available but requires effort to offer.
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Use Creative Outlets To Be Heard
Do find other outlets for self-expression beyond one-on-one conversation, like writing, art, or content creation.
Dr. Scott Eilers uses creating videos and books as asynchronous ways to feel connected when immediate listeners aren't available.
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Thanks to Grow Therapy for sponsoring this video! Head to https://growtherapy.yt.link/MLuzdkd to find your dream therapist today!Ever tried opening up… and felt like no one actually heard you? If talking about your depression, suicidal thoughts, or emotional pain leaves you feeling worse—or completely unseen—there’s a reason for that.In this video, I break down why “just talk to someone” often fails—and the difference between first-person vs third-person understanding, plus 6 ways I’ve learned to feel heard when no one seems to get it.If you’ve felt like you’re screaming into a void, I want to help you find ways to be understood—even if it doesn’t come from where you expected.If the usual depression advice hasn’t helped, it might be because it wasn’t built for your type of depression. I created short quiz to help you identify your pattern and what to do about it.https://bit.ly/DrScottDepressionTypeNext Steps:If my videos have helped, my new book, The Light Between the Leaves, goes even deeperhttps://bit.ly/DrScottTheLightSFYT Next Steps:📩 Get Practical tools for navigating life with depression and anxiety, delivered weekly.
About me:
I know what it is to feel hopelessly stuck and worthless to the world in general. I also know what it is to live without those feelings. I’m both a Clinical Psychology specializing in treatment-resistant depression and anxiety, and a human who has spent more than a decade managing sever depression and anxiety.
Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client.
The Psychology of Depression and Anxiety - Dr. Scott Eilers 