Taking Back Her Brain from Anxious Attachment Style Part 3

So if you are a person who identifies with these attributes of dismissing attachment style, what can you do to develop a more secure attachment?

If you are a person who recognizes these traits in yourself and you want to experience the closeness of a relationship you first have to start recognizing when you are avoiding, resisting, or actioning over your emotions. You have to notice when your emotions go offline. Then you have to relearn how to actually feel your feelings. Start by learning what the vibrations feel like in your body. Then label it. Practice this over and over again… You have to teach your brain that emotions are not harmful and they will not kill you. Your brain has worked your entire life to learn how to “detach” turn off your emotions. So this will take time and practice.

Learn to validate your feelings, once you learn that you do indeed have feelings, all range of feelings, and that you do feel them. Then it is time to validate them, how do you validate your feelings, you learn to feel them and then sit with them and allow them. Allowing your feelings is how you validate them. This practice also teaches your mind that you can feel feelings without needing to detach or deactivate your attachment system.

Learn to recognize when you are distancing yourself from someone, when you are starting to distance yourself from a partner, your brain is so wired to not be let down later, and you have a deep fear of being rejected, that you have learned the best thing to do is distant and move on, go do you.

So if you are dating someone and you try or make attempts to be there for them and they back away it confuses you as to why they are detaching instead of softening to your attempts to be there for them but this is their pattern in their head to help them quote survive and they become more distant appearing to be emotional distant and disengaged. He fears being rejected, unable to act on need for closeness, Neither autonomous or able to feel closeness.

So if you are a person who is dating a person with dismissive attachment, what can you do?

You need to make sure that you are working on developing your own secure attachment qualities, that you are taking the time to develop an inner secure base within yourself, and that you are doing the deep work on you, because you are going to need your inner belief to be grounded, your inner value and worth to be rooted in self confidence, so that when your partner starts to distances themselves from you, you are able to have enough self awareness and relationship awareness to know, their actions do not mean anything about you. Them distancing themselves away from you, them being unable to appear bothered by a problem ( you know show emotion) in a tense situation does not mean they do not care, it just means that you are dating a person with dismissing attachment and they have learned that they way to survive is to not feel emotions to deactivate. It just means that they have deactivated their nervous response system. It doesn’t mean anything about your worth, or even how they feel about you.

So you have to learn how to manage your own mind, recognize your own attachment response tendencies, and own ONLY your thoughts and emotions, and your actions.

You have a choice too, once you recognize the qualities and traits of someone you are dating, you are allowed to choose that these qualities and traits do not work for you, without any brain drama, you get to decide what you want in a relationship. With this being said you are also allowed to accept someone for exactly who they are, love them and choose to not be with them. With that being said you are also allowed to give someone the permission to be the human they are, their nervous response system and all, and choose to develop a more secure attachment within yourself and still date this person.