165 - How Self Esteem Directly Affects Our Recovery

Jan 7, 2021

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Everyone on the planet is affected by self-esteem in one way or another. Today, Tom discusses how self-esteem in general can influence addiction. In this episode, he talks about what self-esteem is and why positive self-esteem is so important for sobriety and getting and staying sober. He shares his own battle with self-esteem issues and why finding the root cause is so important.

He also stresses that it's a process that needs to be facilitated by a good therapist. He talks about action steps that anyone can take to start building up their self-esteem in a positive way. By the end of the show, you'll be able to understand how the health of one's self-esteem can directly impact whether someone will have or develop an addiction problem.

Show Notes:

[02:03] Just after we did a show on the dangers of Suboxone, we found out that the manufacturers have been ordered to pay a 1.4 billion dollar settlement for negligent marketing.
[04:14] Everybody has self-esteem. It can be good or bad, and it's learned over a period of years.
[04:51] Traumatic events are a driver of negative self esteem.
[05:41] The majority of the way someone feels about themselves will develop during their childhood state.
[06:35] If someone has negative self-esteem growing up, the likelihood of them turning to something like addiction is higher.
[07:43] One of the first things Tom and his team try to do is help clients identify where their negative self-esteem is coming from.
[08:48] Figuring this out comes through therapeutic process.
[09:19] If we can figure out what it is that's causing low self-esteem, we are in a position where we can reinforce positive things to build self-esteem back up.
[09:26] Once self-esteem is built up, it won't be necessary to act out the way an addicted person did in the past.
[11:20] Tom shares his childhood abandonment issues and how when he first began counseling he didn't believe that it was a problem.
[12:12] Once Tom realized that he did have abandonment issues, it was a good place for him to start building upon that.
[14:05] We want to know what happened prior to your drinking and using drugs that made you turn to them in the first place. One of the biggest reasons for this is one's self-esteem.
[14:45] Providing a life that reinforces positive self-esteem will reduce the likelihood of your child turning to drugs and alcohol.
[17:19] Once the self-esteem issues are established, it's time to reinforce and build up things that will encourage positive self-esteem.
[17:33] People have to have some type of sense of identity and sense of security where they are okay with themselves.
[18:00] Community and having friends is a big part of the sobriety process.
[19:03] Take the top five people that you surround yourself with the most and you are the average of those five people.
[19:39] Having a sense of purpose is a big part of the process. Having something to work towards will keep you going when you are sober.
[21:59] It takes internal search to find your purpose. It's also okay to reach out to people and be vulnerable.
[22:48] You also have to feel capable and have a sense of self-confidence.
[23:19] Tell yourself that today might be hard, but you can get through it. If you don't believe this, you'll never achieve it.
[24:22] Make a list of your strengths and things that you have accomplished in the past.
[26:04] Eat good food and exercise. What you put in your body will directly impact the way that you feel.
[26:57] Have some quiet time and go for walks on your own or listen to a podcast.
[27:24] Be clean and take care of yourself and your hygiene.
[27:38] Make sure you're home and living area is clean and organized.
[28:10] Do things that you enjoy. Try things that you haven't done before to see what you like.
[28:35] Doing all of these things will really help to build up your self-esteem.

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