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#104 Divorce Lawyer: Why 53% of Marriages Fail | James Sexton

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Nov 26, 2025

Guest

James Sexton

James Sexton, a seasoned divorce attorney with over 25 years of experience, reveals why 53% of marriages end in divorce. He discusses how affairs often start with emotional attention rather than physical desire and highlights the dangers of social media, calling it an infidelity generator. James emphasizes the importance of small loving gestures and offers insights on prenups, which he views as proactive love letters. He shares a wild prenup story and reminds couples that keeping romance alive requires effort and creativity.

01:29:44

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insights

INSIGHT

Love Ends From Neglect, Not Magic

People 'fall out of love' because they stop doing the small acts that kept love alive.
Sexton emphasizes staying attentive to the tiny behaviors that created initial attraction.

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ADVICE

Small Gestures Yield Big Returns

Do small daily gestures like notes, flowers, or kind words to reconnect and spark reciprocity.
Sexton claims small low-cost actions create big relational returns and can revive intimacy.

insights

INSIGHT

Sex Is The Glue

Sex functions as glue in marriage; without it couples risk becoming roommates.
Sexton also notes pornography can erode men's sexual connection to their partner.

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Divorce statistics, remarriage and second-chance energy

02:56 • 3min

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Spotting red flags and loss of mutual cheering

05:56 • 7min

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Weaponizing intimacy and the danger of jabs

12:44 • 3min

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Dogs teach love and accepting loss

15:32 • 4min

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Why James remains romantic despite divorces

19:12 • 4min

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People stop doing the small loving things

23:28 • 1min

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Is marriage worth it? The lottery analogy

24:31 • 4min

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Behavior change: positive reinforcement over criticism

28:17 • 5min

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The shaving story: praise beats nagging

32:57 • 31sec

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What men want and keeping desire alive

33:27 • 5min

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Stop saying 'fell out of love' — reconnect actively

38:32 • 42sec

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How affairs actually start: attention, not sex

39:15 • 2min

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Instagram as an infidelity generator

41:13 • 2min

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Sex as glue and pornography effects

43:22 • 9min

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Prenups: everyone has one, make yours explicit

52:01 • 3min

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Democratizing prenups and trustedprenup.com

55:14 • 3min

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Craziest prenups and the economics of relationships

58:28 • 5min

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Premarital education and barriers to entry

01:03:51 • 4min

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The lawyer as weapon and belief in the system

01:07:30 • 4min

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Writing the book: from trial lawyer to relationship teacher

• Mentioned in 3 episodes

UnWorld

Jayson Greene

#4757

• Mentioned in 10 episodes

How to Stay in Love

James J. Sexton

In 'How to Stay in Love,' James J. Sexton shares his expertise from years of dealing with divorces to help couples build and preserve lasting relationships. He emphasizes the importance of communication and intentional relationship maintenance, drawing from real-life examples of what can go wrong in marriages. Despite his involvement in divorce cases, Sexton remains a romantic who believes in the transformative power of love.

#2688

• Mentioned in 17 episodes

All the Light We Cannot See

Anthony Doerr

The novel tells the story of Marie-Laure LeBlanc, a blind French girl, and Werner Pfennig, a German orphan, whose paths converge in occupied France during World War II. Marie-Laure lives in Paris with her father, a locksmith at the Museum of Natural History, and later flees to Saint-Malo with what might be the museum's most valuable and dangerous jewel. Werner, fascinated by radios and science, is enlisted to track the Resistance. The book explores themes of kindness, greed, love, and perseverance amidst the harsh circumstances of war. Doerr's writing is praised for its vivid descriptions, moral complexity, and the way it illuminates the human spirit during times of great hardship.

#272

• Mentioned in 93 episodes

Ender's Game

Orson Scott Card

Set in a future where humanity is threatened by the Formics, an insect-like alien species, the novel follows Ender Wiggin, a child prodigy who is drafted into Battle School at the age of six. Ender undergoes intense military training, including zero-gravity battles and psychological manipulation, to prepare him to lead the human fleet against the Formics. The book explores themes of war, leadership, and the moral complexities of using children as soldiers. It is known for its deep and complex sensibilities, and its ability to pose profound questions about the nature of war and humanity.

After handling 2,000+ divorces over 25 years, the legendary divorce attorney James Sexton has seen it all: the affairs that start with attention instead of sex, the gestures that can end marriages, and the brutal truth that 53% of marriages end in divorce. In this raw, unfiltered conversation, James breaks down why half of all marriages fail and what the other half is doing right.

From the real reason people cheat, to why Instagram is an infidelity-generating machine, James reveals the patterns that predict divorce with scary accuracy. We dive into the economics of relationships, why prenups are actually love letters, and how a dog can teach you more about marriage than any therapist. He shares the craziest prenup he's ever seen (10 pounds = $10,000 less in alimony), why "happy wife, happy life" is terrible advice, and the one question that softens even the most bitter couples.

But this isn't just about what goes wrong — it's about what goes right. James explains why second marriages have better odds, how to fight fairly without weaponizing intimacy, and why the male equivalent of flowers might be exactly what you think it is. If you've ever wondered why some couples make it while others crash and burn, or if you want to save your relationship before it ends up in a lawyer's office, this episode will change how you think about love, commitment, and the bravest thing any human can do.

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00:00:00 Introduction 00:01:51 Is Marriage Still Worth It? The Lottery Analogy 00:04:48 The 86% Remarriage Rate and Second Marriage Energy 00:05:53 Red Flags: How to Spot a Marriage Heading for Divorce 00:07:55 The Throw Pillow Test: Small Gestures That Say I Love You 00:12:50 The Weaponization of Intimacy: Why You Can't Take It Back 00:15:31 Dogs, Love, and the Bravery of Accepting Loss 00:18:48 Why James Isn't Jaded: Staying Romantic After 2,000 Divorces 00:23:42 People Stop Doing the Things That Kept Love Alive 00:24:41 The Two Biggest Problems: Not Knowing What You Want and Can't Express It 00:30:50 The Shaving Story: Positive Reinforcement vs. Criticism 00:33:28 Flowers and Nudes: Understanding What Your Partner Actually Wants 00:39:20 How Affairs Really Start: It's Never About the Sex 00:41:10 Instagram: The Infidelity Generating Machine 00:52:20 Prenups: Everyone Has One, Either Yours or the Government's 00:58:28 The Craziest Prenup: Ten Pounds Equals Ten Thousand Dollars 00:57:21 Democratizing Prenups: Making Marriage Contracts Accessible 01:03:54 Premarital Education: The Barrier to Entry Marriage Needs 01:23:35 Everyone's Sleeping With the Nanny: The Real Reason Why 01:10:34 The Weapon Analogy: Being a Divorce Lawyer and Believing in Justice 01:17:01 Poetry, Beauty, and Crying at Your Son's Wedding 01:19:36 Final Thoughts: Who Should Read This Book and Why

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