366. The REAL Reason You Keep Self-Sabotaging (It Started in Childhood) w/ Jason VanRuler

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Most people think they've healed their past. But the truth is far heavier: your childhood blueprint is still running your life — your relationships, your success, your self-worth — and you don't even realize it.

In this raw and revealing conversation, therapist and author Jason VanRuler returns to Decoding Success to break open the invisible patterns that shape us: earning love, chasing highs, self-sabotaging the moment life gets quiet, and mistaking achievement for fulfillment. This episode isn't about blame — it's about finally understanding why you are the way you are… and how to rewrite the script.

If you've ever wondered why you push so hard, why you crash so hard, or why the middle feels unbearable — this one will hit you right in the truth.

WATCH ON YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@MattLeBris

In this episode, we uncover:

• The childhood wound most people think they healed… but is still driving everything.

• Why high achievers feel empty even when they're "winning."

• The difference between using pain and being controlled by it.

• How to stop earning love and start feeling "I'm okay either way.

• How to change your relationship with your past without reliving every wound.

• What self-sabotage actually is — and the surprising first step to stop it.

• The role expectations play in suffering (especially with parents).

• Why being your authentic self feels so dangerous — and why it's the only path to real connection.

This conversation is simple, confronting, and clarifying — the kind that doesn't just give answers, but gives you yourself back.

Connect with Jason

Website: https://www.jasonvr.com/

Pre-Order the NEW Book

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jason.vanruler/

Chapters

00:00 The Drive for Success and Parental Influence 02:28 Understanding Past Pain and Its Impact 05:27 The Role of Pain in Motivation 08:16 Embracing the Middle of Transformation 10:59 Finding Fulfillment Beyond Achievement 14:00 Shifting Intentions and Self-Acceptance 17:01 Whose Voice Are You Listening To? 17:53 Understanding High-Pressure Moments 19:06 The Nature of Resilience 20:03 Beyond Talking: Processing Pain 20:53 Identifying Patterns in Pain 22:14 The Role of Expectations in Relationships 23:37 Making Peace with Family Dynamics 25:51 Accepting People for Who They Are 27:39 The Question of Self-Acceptance 29:30 Grieving Unmet Expectations 31:31 Finding Acceptance in What We Need 33:37 Cultural Influences on Our Needs 34:23 The Complexity of Modern Life 36:30 Authenticity in Relationships 38:59 The Challenge of Being Authentic 41:50 Navigating Modern Dating 44:51 The Importance of Relationships 45:49 Healing Through Storytelling 50:20 Understanding the 'Why' Behind Our Actions 53:08 Embracing Failure as a Path to Growth 55:59 The Myths of Trauma and Healing 57:48 The Importance of Communication in Relationships 01:00:31 Simplifying Life: The Hard Mode Dilemma