Listener question: trauma, therapy and reality

Listener question (follow up to 'Is it my fault?' podcast) 

This is what comes up, not necessary as an astute question. 

While I listen to the podcast it it all makes sense, but when I’m back in thinking and feeling it’s a deep painful shitshow. 

So what I hear is that the I, the Ego is the biggest blind spot. Instantly it feels doomed and incredible painful and hopeless with no way out. Maybe that’s my core trauma of being inherently bad as a person?  Really don’t know how to not feel that. 

However I remember times when there was inner peace and immense love not only in this exploration, but in my courageous life as well. 

Don’t know if I do myself a favour, it’s so confusing being in this exploration and having therapy at the same time feels like clutching straws.