#107: Love Is a Behavior, Not a Feeling

Get 20% off any STSI course with code LOVE20 — start loving reality today!

In this episode, Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera of Cornell University unpack a radical but deeply practical idea: love is not a feeling — it’s a behavior.

While most of us are taught to think of love as romance, chemistry, or intense emotion, the Cabreras argue that those experiences are often hormonal surges or evolutionary drives mistaken for something deeper. Real love, they explain, is built through repeated micro-decisions — small, consistent behaviors that accumulate over time into something solid, secure, and trustworthy.

They explore why words are easy but trustworthy patterns of behavior are hard, how integrity determines whether “I love you” actually means anything, and why love must apply across concentric circles — from self, to partner, to family, to community, and ultimately to reality itself. Drawing on systems thinking and universal organizing principles, they show how one mental model can apply across all levels of life.

If you’ve ever wondered why some relationships feel dramatic but unstable while others feel grounded and secure, this episode will challenge what you think love is — and offer something far more durable.