375: When Money Stress Creates Distance in the Bedroom with Heather Howard

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Heather Howard, a sexuality counselor and financial coach, about the strong parallels between money and sex in couples’ relationships. Howard shares how pelvic pain shifted her from a finance career into sex counseling and later into financial coaching after repeatedly seeing money conflicts fueling distance, resentment, and desire problems. They discuss patterns like one partner becoming the “driver” while the other withdraws, how power imbalances show up in both sexual desire discrepancy and finances, and how financial control can undermine authentic consent. They explore the role of entrenched narratives and upbringing in shaping beliefs about sex and money, the impact of shame and secrecy including financial infidelity, and Howard’s solution-focused approach emphasizing safety, skills training, accountability, and aligning money behaviors with values. Howard explains how to contact her for online coaching via heatherhoward.com/meet.

00:00 Show Intro

00:45 Meet Heather Howard

01:46 From Finance to Sex Therapy

03:25 Why Money Enters the Bedroom

05:10 Desire and Money Dynamics

07:52 Power Imbalances and Entitlement

09:46 Consent Needs Financial Safety

11:55 Unpacking Sex and Money Stories

14:40 Heather’s Coaching Approach

18:32 Masterclass Break

19:02 Sharing Financial Responsibility

19:43 Fixing Money Patterns

20:48 Money Anxiety and Skills

22:07 Building Self Trust

23:21 Financial Infidelity Secrets

27:57 Drama Debt Cycles

28:34 First Steps and Support

32:51 Finding a Coach

35:19 Closing and Credits

Jessa's Webinar: https://www.intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Bio:

Dr. Heather Howard is a sexuality counselor and financial coach who helps individuals and couples build healthier relationships with sex, money, or both. Using a nonjudgmental, education-based approach, she supports clients in clarifying values, developing practical skills, and creating systems that align daily behavior with what matters most. Heather works with clients to reduce shame, strengthen communication around traditionally taboo topics, and build shared understanding and decision-making that fosters emotional connection and long-term sexual and financial well-being.

Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass