The Simplicity Parenting Podcast with Kim John Payne #43: The Art of Family Change, Grandmothers Advice
May 21, 2019
The discussion begins with the complexities of receiving advice from grandmothers, highlighting the good intentions often met with feelings of judgment. Kim John Payne explores how grandmothers may relive their own parenting experiences, impacting their relationships with daughters-in-law. He emphasizes the emotional foundation of parenting, making objective advice challenging. A simple yet effective shift involves grandmothers sharing personal struggles, turning advice into relatable stories to foster understanding and strengthen family bonds.
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Grandmother's Story And Tension
- Kim John Payne recounts a conversation with a grandmother who admired her daughter-in but replayed her own parenting struggles while advising her.
- The daughter-in perceived the advice as crossing a line, revealing two well-meaning but strained perspectives.
Enmeshment Between Generations
- Kim John Payne notes grandparents often 'enmesh' their own experiences with their children's current parenting challenges.
- He observes mothering comes from the core, making it hard to be objective about giving advice.
Ask For Stories, Not Instructions
- Ask well-meaning grandparents to tell stories about their own struggles instead of accepting direct advice.
- Listening to their experience reframes the exchange as shared struggle and reduces feelings of judgment.