It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

by Autumn Dickson

In Moses 7, Enoch watched some of the most devastating events in human history. He watched the earth be traumatized. He watched violence and the consequent justice of God. There was death and abundant evil. I’m not sure I want to see the vision that Enoch saw.

And as Enoch watched these traumatic events, he also observed this.

Moses 7:28 And it came to pass that the God of heaven looked upon the residue of the people, and he wept; and Enoch bore record of it, saying: How is it that the heavens weep, and shed forth their tears as the rain upon the mountains?

The God of heaven looked at what was occurring on the earth and wept. At one point in Enoch’s journey, he even “refused” to be comforted, and yet, God wasn’t angry with Enoch’s deep depression. There are things that will feel dark and unbearable even as we approach being like our Heavenly Father. In fact, there are things that will feel dark and unbearable simply because we are becoming more Christlike.

When Enoch asked Him why He could cry, the Lord responded with this.

Moses 7:32-33

32 The Lord said unto Enoch: Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency;

33 And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood;

The Lord is saying, “I chose this. I helped create this plan. I created all of this, gave knowledge to them, and I gave them their agency. I asked them to love each other, but they hate each other instead.”

The Jews in the Holocaust were the children of God, but so were the Nazis. Those who perished in the attacks on 9/11 were the children of God, but so were those who attacked. Abel was the son of God, and so was Cain. The children of God included the Israelites, the oldest sons of the Egyptians, and the slave drivers.

Regardless of wickedness, God loves and mourns His children. Regardless of what His children chose to become and regardless of the justice that He will choose to rain down, God knew His children when they were young and innocent. He loved them and cared for them.

He had to face what it meant to put the Plan of Salvation into motion. He had to face the victims who perished and those who continue on suffering. He has to face His children who are perpetrators and mourn the fact that they refuse to come be a part of the family. Despite all that they did, He has to face what it means to separate them from the rest of the family in order to preserve any semblance of peace and happiness within the rest of the family.

He shoulders that burden, and despite being from all eternity to all eternity, it weighs on Him. Despite His omnipotent strength, the weight that He carries is heavy. Can something be heavy when you’re perfectly strong? Apparently.

Is it okay to be upset even when you know the happy ending? Apparently.

Let’s take it a step further. Is it righteous to be upset even when you know the happy ending?

I think sometimes I picture God as colder than He really is. I picture Him without all of His emotions because for some reason, I have come to associate omnipotence with being above that kind of thing. What if the opposite is true?

As Enoch became more like God, as God taught him immense things in this vision, “his heart swelled as wide as eternity.”

Perhaps eternity (and therefore this life) is not about becoming so powerful and knowledgeable that the suffering doesn’t affect you. Perhaps looking forward with an eye of faith is not about saving yourself from deep and hard feelings.

Deep feelings are a part of eternity, deep feelings that are both happy and sad. If we are trying to become like God, then deep feelings will be a part of it. And if Enoch is to be believed, our feelings only grow deeper as we learn and experience more.

Even as I write this, I keep trying to take this principle further, but the Lord is stopping me. Perhaps that is the principle He is trying to teach me; that is the principle He is emphasizing today.

Deep feelings, and not just the happy ones, are part of an eternal existence. How does that change how you approach life? How does it change how you approach your difficult times?
I testify that God’s eternity is full. I testify that part of that eternity is difficulty and grief because the happiness and joy would be hollow without it. I testify that we can lift up our hearts and be glad despite the other half of our eternity being heavy to bear. They come together. We do not need to fear that depth. I testify that because of Jesus Christ, we can feel hope alongside that difficulty.

 

Autumn Dickson was born and raised in a small town in Texas. She served a mission in the Indianapolis Indiana mission. She studied elementary education but has found a particular passion in teaching the gospel. Her desire for her content is to inspire people to feel confident, peaceful, and joyful about their relationship with Jesus Christ and to allow that relationship to touch every aspect of their lives. Autumn was the recipient of FAIR’s 2024 John Taylor Defender of the Faith Award.

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