#183 - Are You Mad at Me? Friendship Anxiety and the Need for Validation (with Meg Josephson)

If you tend to assume someone’s upset with you when their tone shifts even slightly, when they don’t text back right away, or when you notice the smallest change in their availability, this episode is for you. And if you have a friend who is always asking, "Are you mad at me?" or assuming you're upset when you're simply living your life, then this episode will help you, too.

I’m joined by licensed psychotherapist Meg Josephson, author of Are You Mad at Me?: How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You. We spoke about people pleasing, anxiety in friendships, and that constant low-level worry so many of us carry: Did I say the wrong thing? Did I mess something up? Am I in trouble?

Meg explains why people pleasing isn’t a personality trait or a weakness—it’s a survival response called fawning. A lot of us learned it early on as a way to stay safe, liked, and connected. The problem is that in adulthood, it turns into overthinking, over-apologizing, and a constant focus on how we’re being perceived, including in our friendships. It can very exhausting to live this way, and also tiresome for the friends who have to constantly assure you "everything's OK." 

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why you can’t actually control how other people see you, no matter how carefully you try
• What the fawn response is and how it shows up in adult friendships
• How people pleasing leads to anxiety, burnout, and quiet resentment
• The difference between reassurance-seeking and real emotional connection
• Why constantly needing reassurance can be hard on friendships
• How growing up around criticism or gossip can make you feel perpetually judged
• Finding the balance between showing up for people and over-functioning
• Why resentment is a signal worth paying attention to
• A practical mindfulness tool for interrupting anxiety spirals
• How social media makes people pleasing worse
• Learning how to tolerate discomfort without immediately fixing it

Meet Meg Josephson:

Meg Josephson, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist. In her private practice, she specializes in trauma-informed care through a compassion-focused lens. She holds a Master of Social Work from Columbia University, and she is a certified meditation teacher through the Nalanda Institute. Meg also shares accessible insights via her social media platforms, reaching over five hundred thousand followers. Find Meg on Instagram at @megjosephson.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? **That’s probably here.**

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!