Listener question: how can I create from freedom?

My question is this: I make art. I can see that in part, this is driven by a desire to impress and make myself feel ok. I started doing this after a particularly bad break up and it has become a large part of my identity, proving to myself that I am worthwhile and have something to say. At times it feels like I'm torturing myself, trying too hard, and not being able to achieve the things I want to. At other times my art feels really free and joyful. At these times it seems to be coming from somewhere outside of me. For some reason I value the art I find difficult to master more highly than the stuff that comes very naturally to me. How can this learning help me to create more consistently from a place of freedom rather than striving and lack? Should we keep trying to do things that are so hard they make us feel awful?!