How I Stopped Fearing My Darkest OCD Thoughts

During the 18 years she went without a proper diagnosis, Alison Dotson lived inside a "horror film" of her own mind. She was suffering from Pure O — a form of OCD dominated by mental compulsions rather than visible physical ones. Her mind was filled with graphic, intrusive images and "dark thoughts" that stood in direct opposition to her values. Because her symptoms didn't fit the stereotypical hand-washing or checking behaviors seen on TV, she believed she was simply untreatable or, worse, a danger to those she loved.

Living in constant fear of her own mind, Alison reached a breaking point in her 20s where she began welcoming a terminal diagnosis just to escape the thoughts. In this episode of the Get to Know OCD podcast, she joins Dr. Patrick McGrath to share her story in honest detail and what finally helped her.

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