Reclaiming Catholic Intimacy Scheduling Sex is Not the Same as Cleaning the Bathroom | Ep. 258
Feb 16, 2026
A frank look at why scheduled intimacy can start to feel like a chore and how mindset shifts can make it joyful again. Uses a bathroom-cleaning analogy to show how negative anticipation sabotages connection. Offers practical ways to replace worry with dating-style excitement and even borrows Advent as a model for intentional anticipation.
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Scheduling Sex Signals Priority Not Passion
- Scheduling sex affirms it as a priority rather than killing romance.
- Ellen Holloway argues scheduling is a tool that shows importance, not the cause of 'checkbox' intimacy.
Negative Anticipation Makes Intimacy Feel Like Chores
- Negative anticipation turns scheduled sex into a chore like cleaning the bathroom.
- Ellen uses the cleaning-the-bathroom example to show repeated negative thoughts create dread before the event.
Interrupt Worry With 'That's Not Helpful Right Now'
- Replace worry with selective thoughts: flag unhelpful worries and postpone them until necessary.
- Ellen describes telling her own brain "that's not helpful right now" about breastfeeding anxieties to protect anticipation for a trip.