Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction Hoovering and the Narcissistic Cycles of Abuse
Chelsey Brooke Cole and Tami discuss narcissistic personality structure and how to identify if someone is a narcissist. They consider myths of narcissism, the narcissistic cycle and how hoovering shows up, and the look and feel of various narcissistic types. They then answer participant questions about narcissist behavior, options for healing, and a realistic look at a future in a partnership with a narcissist.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:20] Hoovering and other narcissistic buzzwords.
[3:58] Chelsey's personal experience with narcissism.
[5:01] Debunking common myths about narcissism.
[9:20] Typical behavoirs of a narcissist.
[13:20] The defense mechanisms for the insecure, fragile ego of a narcissist.
[19:53] Characteristics of the six types of narcissists.
[25:05] Sex addiction and the narcissist.
[31:57] The narcissistic cycle of abuse, including hoovering.
[37:49] What triggers the Hoover phase?
[48:37] What happens if you decide to stay?
[49:45] Are there drawbacks to seeking a narcissist diagnosis?
[51:27] How can you gray rock a narcissist so they don't get escalation tactics?
[53:02] Is it a bad idea to point out narcissistic tendencies in your partner?
[54:09] Is narcissism treatable?
[56:17] Does my partner's behavior indicate narcissism?
[58:10] Do narcissists know what they are doing?
[1:00:21] What is the best approach to address the abuse of narcissistic traits used to self-protect and control?
[1:02:03] Can a narcissist develop empathy for their partner, and what does treatment involve?
[1:04:31] Is narcissism a mental health condition?
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES
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"Narcissism is not a diagnosis, it's a personality style and trait."
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"All narcissists, even the ones who will self-report having high self esteem, are subconsciously insecure pathologically."
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"Narcissistic abuse is like being in the middle of a tornado but not knowing it's a tornado."
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"Feeling desperate is not the same as being accountable."
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"Real accountability ends with you, Hoover statements always end with them."