Kelly Corrigan Wonders Go To on the Trap of Being "Good"
Feb 27, 2026
A deep look at the cultural rules that teach women to be endlessly accommodating and how that behavior can harm mental health. Research linking self-silencing to depression gets explored. Studies on negotiation backlash, apology habits, and the moralizing of rest are discussed. The conversation points to choosing wholeness over performing goodness and asks listeners to rethink unchosen rules.
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Goodness As A Self Imposed Cage
- 'Goodness' can be a self-imposed cage that rewards not resting, not asking, and not taking up room.
- Elise Loehnen frames these behavioral rules as mapping onto the seven deadly sins, showing cultural rules seep into how women behave.
Silencing The Self Raises Depression Risk
- The behavior rewarded in women—accommodating, putting others first, being easygoing—is a measurable risk factor for clinical depression.
- Dana Crowley Jack's 'silencing the self' research links long-term self-suppression to loss of self and higher likelihood of clinical depression.
Negotiation Triggers Backlash Against Women
- Women who negotiate are penalized socially even when using identical language as men, reducing their likelihood to ask for fair pay.
- Hannah Riley Bowles and Linda Babcock documented the 'backlash effect' and Emily Amanatula showed women anticipate that penalty and often avoid asking.
