Communication skills to save your physician marriage with Michael F. Myers, MD, Part 2 | EP508

What if mastering communication in your marriage as a physician could be as transformative as learning a life-saving procedure in residency?

 In this second part of a two-part conversation, Dr. Michael Myers shares insights from his extensive experience treating physician couples, emphasizing the value of professional help in facilitating communication during protected times like retreats or dates. He illustrates how a third party can help rephrase defensive or hierarchical language, common in medicine's decisive environment, into softer, more effective expressions, such as turning "you're stubborn" into "I feel you're digging in your heels," to foster understanding without offense. 

Dr. Myers discusses dynamics when the physician is female, noting women's multifaceted identities beyond medicine and potential role reversals where husbands manage home life, but warns of conflicts arising from feelings of being taken for granted or loneliness. He highlights red flags like unexplained drinking or affairs, urging early articulation of issues to prevent escalation, and notes that most couples recover from affairs by entering a "new normal" with professional guidance. 

For same-sex couples, he addresses communication stereotypes: avoidance in male pairs or overthinking in female ones, while stressing commonalities in all relationships. In dual-physician marriages, intellectualization may dominate, but reviewing arrangements like part-time work during child-rearing years and supporting paternity leave promotes respect and balance. Parting tips include finding uninterrupted time, transitioning from work mode, taking risks by being vulnerable about insecurities, and converting individual therapy into couples work to avoid exclusion. 

Three Actionable Takeaways:

• Seek professional facilitation for tough conversations: Use a therapist to rephrase defensive language and ensure both partners feel heard, preventing escalation into arguments or name-calling.
• Regularly review relationship dynamics: Check in on sacrifices like relocations or part-time work, honoring promises and expressing appreciation to avoid resentment or feelings of being sidelined.
• Take communication risks during protected time: Be vulnerable about insecurities or feelings, such as loneliness, to deepen connection, and avoid defaulting to safe topics, use this safe space to address meaningful issues.

About the Show:

Succeed In Medicine covers patient interactions, burnout, career growth, personal finance, and more. If you're tired of dull medical lectures, tune in for real-world lessons we should have learned in med school!

About the Guest:

Dr. Michael F. Myers is a professor of clinical psychiatry and recent past vice president of education and director of training in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at SUNY Downstate Health Sciences University in Brooklyn. He's a specialist in physician health and the author of many books, including "Physicians with Lived Experience: How Their Stories Offer Clinical Guidance" and "Doctors' Marriages: A Look at the Problems and Their Solutions." He lectures widely on stresses in medical training, burnout, moral injury, depression, substance use, PTSD, marital discord, and reducing stigma in medicine.

Connect with Dr. Michael Myers:

Website: https://www.michaelfmyers.com

About the Host:

Dr. Bradley Block – Dr. Bradley Block is a board-certified otolaryngologist at ENT and Allergy Associates in Garden City, NY. He specializes in adult and pediatric ENT, with interests in sinusitis and obstructive sleep apnea. Dr. Block also hosts Succeed In Medicine podcast, focusing on personal and professional development for physicians

Want to be a guest?

Email Brad at brad@physiciansguidetodoctoring.com  or visit www.physiciansguidetodoctoring.com to learn more!

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This medical podcast is your physician mentor to fill the gaps in your medical education. We cover physician soft skills, charting, interpersonal skills, doctor finance, doctor mental health, medical decisions, physician parenting, physician executive skills, navigating your doctor career, and medical professional development. This is critical CME for physicians, but without the credits (yet). A proud founding member of the Doctor Podcast Network!

Visit www.physiciansguidetodoctoring.com to connect, dive deeper, and keep the conversation going. Let’s grow! 

Disclaimer:

This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical, financial, or legal advice. Always consult a qualified professional for personalized guidance.

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