712: The Like Switch: Dr. Jack Schafer

Jul 16, 2018

Dr. Jack Schafer, a former FBI Special Agent and behavioral analyst, shares his expertise in likability and rapport-building. He reveals the 'friendship formula' and highlights three key 'friend signals' to enhance connections. Listeners learn about the power of 'curiosity hooks' to attract like-minded individuals. He emphasizes the importance of empathic statements and the C.A.R.E. acronym in deepening conversations. Jack also discusses how to repair bad first impressions and harness nonverbal cues to build rapport, making everyone feel valued.

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INSIGHT

First Impressions Act As A Filter

First impressions filter all future behavior and are hard to change quickly.
Only repeated positive encounters can overturn a bad first impression over time.

ANECDOTE

Gum On A Business Card Broke Rapport

Jack recounts folding a suspect's business card with gum and instantly damaging rapport.
He repaired it by owning the mistake and using empathic statements to move forward.

ADVICE

Test Rapport By Lead And Follow

Mirror someone subtly and then change position; if they follow within ~20 seconds you have rapport.
Use lead-and-follow mirroring to test and deepen connection quickly.

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Our guest is former FBI Special Agent, author, and professor – Dr. Jack Schafer. In the past, Dr. Schafer has developed spy recruitment techniques, interviewed terrorists, and trained agents in the art of interrogation and persuasion. Today, he shares strategies, techniques, and tools you can employ to get people to like you for a minute or a lifetime.

CHEAT SHEET

What is the friendship formula and how does it increase other people’s ability to like you?
What are three “friend signals” you can practice to project likeability?
What signals can you look for to know whether or not good rapport has been established?
What is a “curiosity hook,” and how can you use it to attract others with common interests?
If the golden rule of friendship is to make people feel good about themselves, how do you go about doing that?
How do you use empathic statements to listen more, talk less, and still gain interest in the conversation?
Why learning the C.A.R.E acronym is important to ensure you are maintaining focus on others – and not yourself.

This episode is full of tools for becoming a more likable person, and it’s important to remember the words of Dr. Schafer when applying them in our daily lives:

“No one tool works for all circumstances, but for all circumstances, there is a tool that works. And it’s the time and circumstance that determine what tool to use.”

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Resources

The Like Switch by Dr. Jack Schafer
Dr. Schafer’s Blog in Psychology Today

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