Challenger Cities EP69: Designing for Intimacy with Paul Meyers

At first glance, SPNKD might look like a BDSM venue. But Paul Meyers real focus is something deeper ... finding connection and creating intimacy.

We explore how intimacy is designed, why many people use kink to avoid connection rather than deepen it, and what the concept of creating an arena in BDSM can teach us about relationships, work and even how cities function.

Along the way we discuss:

• Why Paul created SPNKD after finding most kink venues “tacky dungeons”

• How BDSM spaces deliberately design trust, consent, and emotional safety

• Why many couples visit not because something is broken, but because they want to invest in their relationship

• The idea of the “arena” and what workplaces could learn from it

• Why four hours together changes how people interact

• How cities succeed or fail based on how they enable human interaction

• The difference between technical performance and real connection

This is a conversation about intimacy, but also about architecture, culture and subtle infrastructures that shape how we relate to each other.

In other words: what happens when you design spaces for connection rather than efficiency.