811 Find Lasting Love with Matthew Hussey

Jun 17, 2019

Matthew Hussey, a renowned dating expert and New York Times bestselling author, shares insightful views on building lasting love. He likens relationships to constructing a castle, emphasizing the need for mutual effort. The conversation explores the impact of social media on dating, the importance of self-awareness, and how activation energy affects commitment. Hussey also advocates for open communication and personal growth, suggesting that true connections stem from self-improvement and understanding each other's needs. Tune in for practical tips on navigating modern romance!

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INSIGHT

Modern Dating Paradox

Modern dating apps lower the "activation energy" for meeting people, making it easier to connect but also hindering deeper investment.
People value things they invest in, so the ease of modern dating can interrupt the natural story of attraction and commitment.

ANECDOTE

The Lost Story of Attraction

Matthew Hussey contrasts the story of attraction before dating apps with the current dating landscape.
Previously, meeting someone, exchanging numbers, calling, and waiting for dates created a narrative and investment that's now often missing.

ADVICE

Stand Out From The Noise

In today's noisy dating world, you must stand out and be different.
Develop a unique voice and don't rely on scarcity to make you special.

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BUILD YOUR CASTLE. Love at first sight is bullshit. A relationship is like a castle. You find a plot of land that has a lot of potential. Then, bit by bit, you build the castle. But it takes work from both of you. One person can’t be laying the bricks while the other is home watching TV. After lots of hard work, you’ll have something unique and ornate that belongs to you. You’ll have a castle. That’s love. On today’s episode of The School of Greatness, I talk about the key to lasting relationships with an international guru of the dating and relationship-coaching scene: Matthew Hussey. Matthew Hussey is a speaker, New York Times Bestselling author, columnist for Cosmopolitan Magazine, and dating expert on ABC’s digital series What To Text Him Back. His corporate clients include Hugo Boss, The Perfume Shop, Virgin Gyms, Procter & Gamble, Bare Escentuals, U.S. legal giant Weil Gotshal & Manges, and global management consultants Accenture. 50,000 women have attended his live events and he has reached over 10 million online. Matthew says that the “activation energy” for starting relationships is lower than ever. This causes ghosting. People are less invested in relationships. But there are ways you can meet people indirectly.
So get ready to learn the three things you need to build a great relationship on Episode 811.
Some Questions I Ask:
Do people even want to have a committed, long term relationship? (19:00)
Is a great relationship when you stop thinking about your needs and not expecting anything in return? (21:30)
How do we step outside of the emotional feelings in a relationship? (25:00)
When do you know you’re ready for a committed, intimate relationship? (47:00)
What are the three things you need to have to sustain a relationship? (52:00)
In This Episode You Will Learn:
About “activation energy” and why things like Tinder make it low (10:00)
Why space is important in order to not react emotionally (30:00)
About the “castle” metaphor and why you need to build together (38:00)
Why the “trash cans” define your relationship more than the highlights (45:00)
The four stages of all relationships (1:02:30)
The first step you can do to get out of the weeds of singlehood (1:11:30)
If you enjoyed this episode, check out the video, show notes, and more at www.lewishowes.com/811 and follow at instagram.com/lewishowes

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