In this powerful conversation, host Lantz Howard sits down with therapist, author, and New York City resident Jay Stringer, author of the award-winning Unwanted and the upcoming Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow.

Jay shares vulnerably about midlife chrysalis moments, the "provisional self" we create to survive family dynamics, the cost of suppressing or blindly following desire, and how our deepest longings—sexual and beyond—can become roadmaps to healing rather than sources of shame.

Key highlights include:

Navigating marriage and dating in the intensity of NYC life; saunas, cold plunges, bookstore dates, and the longing for wild nature.
How unresolved family stories shape unwanted sexual behaviors—and why paying attention to them leads to freedom
The difference between suppressing desire, indulging it, and intentionally forming it
Midlife as a time to honor "loyal soldiers," bury outdated roles, and listen for what Jesus is inviting
Becoming a person "worth having sex with"—differentiation, self-soothing, and bringing a whole self to intimacy (not just seeking validation)
Practical invitations: Honor the "albatross" (current struggles/loneliness) flying over your life + rediscover the "bells" (moments your heart rang true)

Whether you're wrestling with intimacy, purpose, midlife transition, or leadership fatigue, this episode offers compassion, clinical wisdom, and spiritual depth to help you stop surviving and start truly living.

---

Work with Lantz Howard at www.lantzhoward.com

I help high-performers align identity, marriage, and vocation– so they can lead wholeheartedly with the purpose that flows from a sound mind and a healthy soul.

148 | Desire Isn’t the Enemy: Redeeming Intimacy, Midlife, and Wholehearted Living | Author of Desire and Unwanted Jay Stringer