Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction Handling Triggers and Fetishes with Erin Snow
In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Erin Snow answers participant questions about fetishes and triggers – what they are, where they come from, and what they really mean about a person's sexuality and the likelihood of successful recovery. She also offers resources and actions betrayed partners can employ to empower themselves while they offer support to their addicted partner.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:56] My husband's fantasy about my sister underlines his addiction to non-consenting victims.
[4:00] All humans fantasize. That doesn't make all behaviors acceptable.
[8:00] Do fetishes get more intense from watching porn?
[10:01] Can we incorporate healthy fetishes into our sex life?
[12:47] Is my fetish a sex addiction?
[15:13] What happened in my childhood that led to my fetish?
[20:20] My husband is defensive about watching teen porn. How can I keep myself and our children safe?
[26:29] I think my partner is protecting his addiction, he says I'm crazy. How can I protect myself?
[32:10] I'm going crazy waiting for my partner's disclosure. What can I do to empower myself in this process?
[38:25] My partner is watching barely-legal porn. What does his fantasy say about our reality?
[45:13] What actions reduce intimacy? My partner doesn't recognize all of the ways that I'm trying to connect with her.
[50:13] My partner has been lying about his recovery group. How can I reset clear boundaries?
[52:02] My partner never follows through with his safety plan and is relapsing again. I think I'm done, but where do I go from here?
[57:10] My partner's CSAT causally diagnosed me in their session. Now what?
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES
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"Fetishes are not going anywhere. It's part of your arousal template."
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"Fetishes are neither good nor bad. It's just a question of whether you can incorporate it into your sex life."
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"Knowing the fantasty and the why behind it is not going to solve the problem."
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"For most of us, recovery is literally learning a new language."
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"Fantasy life and reality are two very different things that shouldn't be compared at all."
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"We are not going to judge you for staying or for going. But that decision has to be yours."