Everyone's a Narcissist (apparently) with psychotherapist Mark Vahrmeyer

Sep 22, 2023

Mark Vahrmeyer, a UKCP-registered psychotherapist and writer on narcissism, dives into the complexities of this often-misused term. He clarifies how everyone can exhibit narcissistic traits without being a true narcissist. The conversation explores the thin line between egocentric behavior and enduring narcissistic personalities. Vahrmeyer also discusses cultural fascination with narcissists, the developmental origins of narcissistic behaviors, and the challenges in treating these individuals. Plus, they touch on how social media amplifies these traits in today’s society.

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INSIGHT

Narcissism As Scaffolding For Self‑Esteem

Narcissism is a personality style organized around maintaining self-esteem via external affirmation.
Mark Vahrmeyer compares narcissists to buildings propped by scaffolding that collapse without outside praise.

INSIGHT

Grandiosity Masks A Shame‑Filled Core

Narcissistic presentation swings between grandiosity and hidden shame.
Outward entitlement masks an inner, shame‑filled, deflated self that envies others.

INSIGHT

Egocentric Acts Aren't Clinical Narcissism

Egocentric behaviour is common and situational, not the same as clinical narcissism.
Narcissism describes an enduring relational style, not occasional selfish acts like queue‑jostling.

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Welcome to episode 1 of Series 6

A good few years ago, I started becoming aware of a term I'd hitherto not really heard much before, outside of my classics lessons: narcissism. Aside from all the s's making it hard to pronounce, I started to notice that it became a catch-all for anyone who was selfish, self centred or vain. Everyone, it seemed, was being called a narcissist. I'm not a fan of overly labelling behaviours (for one it's so lazy) and I have a natural tendency to avoid terms that everyone else is using, but eventually even I couldn't ignore it any longer. This is when I called UK registered psychotherapist Mark Vahrmeyer in. Mark is writing a book about narcissism and in this episode we talk about what it is, and what it isn't. And how just possibly everyone has some narcissistic traits occasionally, but that doesn't make them a narcissist. Someone with true narcissistic behaviours actually has a wafer-thin self esteem and is very tiring to be around. Who'd be a narcissist? But also what about poor Echo, who often gets forgotten in the tale of Narcissus, typical to air brush a woman out of history.

If you'd like to learn more about Mark and his work his website is at brightonandhovepsychotherapy.com

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The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.

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