Building Profitable Relationships: The Art of Private Lending in Real Estate by Jay Conner

***Guest Appearance

Credits to:

https://www.youtube.com/@AlNicoletti                                

“Private Money Funding with Jay Conner”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXzYTlhntR8&t=222s   

If you’ve spent any time in real estate investing, you know that access to reliable funding is what separates consistent winners from those who just get by. For many, the quest for money leads straight to traditional banking institutions, only to be faced with endless red tape, restricted lines of credit, and mountains of paperwork. But there’s a smarter path, one that puts you in the driver’s seat: private money.

Jay Conner, affectionately known as The Private Money Authority, joined Al Nicoletti on The Al Nicoletti Show to break down the steps, strategies, and mindset shifts that can empower any real estate investor to thrive using private funding. He lays out, with decades of experience, why private money works and how just about anyone can tap into it—no matter their market, background, or connections.

At its core, private money means working directly with individuals instead of hard money lenders or banks. These are people—often those you already know—looking for stable, attractive returns on their capital. They might be tired of unpredictable market swings and low yields in their retirement accounts. The real difference in this funding style is that you, the investor, get to set the terms: interest rates, payment schedules, loan duration, and more, all tailored to create a win-win relationship.

Control is the biggest advantage of using private money. When you work with institutional lenders, they set the ground rules. They decide how much you can borrow, under what terms, and often with unnecessary limits on your potential. With private money, that script is flipped. Investors can borrow 100%—even beyond the property’s purchase price to cover rehab, carrying costs, and more. Structured properly, this means you can walk away from closing with excess cash in hand, ready to fuel multiple projects.

This flexibility is a game-changer not just for seasoned investors, but especially for those just starting. While creative strategies like subject-to or seller financing are often discussed, the reality is that most sellers want all-cash offers. Having private money lined up allows you to compete for the large majority of deals where cash is king.

Jay Conner’s approach is all about education rather than pitching. Instead of desperately chasing funds, he recommends teaching potential private lenders about the safety, security, and predictability of private lending opportunities—often using self-directed IRAs. Most people aren’t aware they can use their retirement funds to invest in real estate and earn reliable, above-market returns, tax-deferred or even tax-free. Positioning yourself as a resource for education, not just a beneficiary of their funds, attracts interest and trust.

Interestingly, Jay never brings a deal to a potential lender right away. Instead, he focuses on developing relationships, sharing how the process works, and allowing the conversation to spark curiosity. By the time he calls with a specific opportunity, the private lender is eager to participate, not being “sold” on anything.

Another vital point is that private money lending is not just for single-family fix and flips. Once the mechanics are understood, it can be used for small apartments, duplexes, triplexes, quadplexes, and land. The versatility increases deal flow and diversifies opportunities.

The path to building private lender relationships begins with your warm market: people you already know and who trust you. Jay’s strategies include both direct and “indir