The Upside of Oversharing, and the Surprising Downside of Restraint | Leslie John

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Apr 2, 2026

Leslie John, James E. Burke Professor at Harvard Business School and author of Revealing, studies how self-disclosure shapes trust and connection. She explains why holding back harms relationships and health. Short practices like daily audits and sincere praise can reveal missed intimacy. She also contrasts safe workplace transparency with riskier personal vulnerability.

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INSIGHT

Why Revealing Builds Trust More Than Hiding

Revealing sensitive information often builds trust more than withholding it.
Leslie John’s study found people prefer a revealer (even admitting to bad behavior) over someone who refuses to answer because revealing signals trustworthiness.

ANECDOTE

Embarrassing Overshares Led To Mentors

Leslie John recounts oversharing moments that led to positive outcomes.
She tells of embarrassing disclosures to senior scholars that resulted in mentorship, respect, and close relationships.

ADVICE

Start A Daily Said Versus Unsaid Audit

Do keep a daily audit of things you said and things you held back to notice missed sharing opportunities.
Leslie John describes tracking 'said' and 'unsaid' moments (e.g., not saying you slept badly) which reveal routine missed intimacy triggers.

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Most of us think oversharing is the problem. It's not. New research from Harvard reveals that the bigger threat to your relationships, your health, and your sense of belonging may be all the things you're choosing not to say.

How many times today did something cross your mind that you chose to keep to yourself, a feeling you swallowed, a compliment you almost gave, a truth you pulled away from? That habit of holding back is doing far more damage than you realize, to your closest relationships, your wellbeing, and even your body.

Leslie John is the James E. Burke Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School, whose award-winning research on self-disclosure has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and The Economist. In her new book, Revealing, she makes a compelling, science-backed case that most of us are dramatically undersharing, and it's costing us the very connection, trust, and intimacy we crave.

In this conversation, you'll discover...

A simple daily audit that reveals how much you're silently holding back, and why becoming aware of it alone can transform your closest relationships
The surprising research behind why revealing uncomfortable truths makes people trust and respect you more than staying silent
A critical distinction between two types of openness that determines whether sharing at work builds your influence or puts you at risk
One easy, low-risk form of sharing that almost always deepens connection and takes just a few seconds
Why feeling confident that you truly "know" your partner might be the very thing keeping you from real intimacy

If you've been sensing a quiet distance in your relationships, or wondering why your closest bonds don't feel as deep as you'd like, this conversation will reshape how you think about everything you've been holding back. Hit play now.

You can find Leslie at: Website | Instagram | Episode Transcript

Next week, we're sharing a really meaningful conversation with Valarie Kaur about why the darkness we feel in the world today might not be the darkness of a tomb, but actually the darkness of a womb. It’s a powerful new way to look at fear and find your breath again.

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