Adult Child Still Hoping Your Parents Will Change? Perfectionism, Codependency & Enmeshment w/ Alana Carvalho
Aug 20, 2025
Alana Carvalho, a licensed mental health counselor and author who grew up in a dysfunctional family, joins to unpack codependency, perfectionism, and enmeshment. She explores why waiting for parental change traps people. She explains perfectionism as survival, the drama triangle in relationships, and when bringing parents into therapy can backfire.
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Empathy Can Be Emotional Bypass
- Moving straight to empathy can be emotional bypass that dismisses your real anger and pain.
- Alana warns you must first fully feel negative emotions before later understanding the parent's perspective.
Perfectionism Is Relational Survival
- Perfectionism often co-occurs with codependency because both seek worth externally through achievement and relational performance.
- Alana calls codependents relational perfectionists chasing flawless relating to avoid abandonment.
Stop Making Results Define You
- Reduce self-imposed pressure by re-evaluating where you create unnecessary stress, like over-studying or overworking.
- Alana describes stopping the compulsion to make grades mean everything and rediscovering actual learning.
