How do I process and release feelings of resentment about my fiance's sexual past? How can I help my husband who does not agree with the Church's teaching on chastity in marriage?
Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.
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Patron Question:
Hello Christopher and Wendy, thank you both for all the work you do. Your ministry is truly amazing!
My question is this: How do I process and release feelings of resentment about my fiance's sexual past? I am ashamed that I feel so upset about something that happened before we even met each other, especially because, for many years now, he's been a beautiful example of virtue and selflessness. I know I need to let this go, but I just can't release these feelings of self-consciousness, pain, and betrayal when I think about how I waited for him, but he didn't wait for me. Please help.
Question 2:
Thank you so much for your beautiful insight into marriage, NFP, and Theology of the Body.
My husband and I are practicing Catholics, married in the church. We have 4 beautiful children here on earth and 4 children that we miscarried waiting in Heaven. We are reluctantly practicing NFP. I say reluctantly because my husband does not fully agree with the churches teachings on NFP and Chastity within marriage. He does not understand why (when we have decided that more children are not a good idea right now) we can’t be together in other ways during fertile times. I feel like I have exhausted all avenues in trying to help him understand, he is completely closed off to seeking out answers for himself. He seems set in his ways and I know only God can change his heart. My rosary intention every day is that he will accept chastity in marriage. I guess my question is, what can I do in the meantime, without falling into sin, while I’m waiting for his heart to be softened by God. I know he resents me during times of abstaining and during those times it feels as though our marriage is crumbling and not growing. I should also add that I am open to more children, but he feels that we are not ready for more. So to respect that, I feel like I am always having to say no even though I would be willing. Thank you for any advice at all.
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Resources mentioned this week:
Good News about Sex & Marriage
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Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.
Featuring music by Mike Mangione.