Chicago Booth Review Podcast Why do we avoid talking to people?
9 snips
Apr 8, 2026 
Nick Epley, social psychologist and author of A Little More Social, studies how small choices shape connection. He explains why people underestimate how pleasant brief interactions are. Short social experiments on trains and brief deep conversations surprise people. He argues habits, not destiny, shape sociability and that reaching out often boosts mood and reduces perceived divides.
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Expectations Drive Social Choices Not Experiences
- We base decisions to approach others on expectations, not experiences, so pessimistic forecasts prevent beneficial interactions.
- Nick Epley calls this expectation gap central: people underestimate how positive conversations with strangers will be, shaping choices.
Personality Is Habitual Choice Not Fixed Experience
- Extroversion predicts choices and expectations more than the actual conversational experience; acting more extroverted increases happiness for both types.
- Personality functions like habits: psychologists show acting extroverted changes measured personality over time.
Red Hat Conversation That Changed A Commute
- Nick Epley tested himself on a commuter train by complimenting a woman's red hat and struck up a half-hour conversation that noticeably lifted both their moods.
- The woman later gripped his wrist and thanked him, illustrating how small spontaneous interactions can be unexpectedly meaningful.
