This Working Life Esther Perel on conflict and power struggles at work
11 snips
Mar 8, 2026 
Esther Perel, psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author who advises organisations on relationships and power. She explores why conflict is inevitable and what people are really fighting for. She reframes power beyond hierarchy and names common destructive tactics. Plus a practical role‑play exercise and a personal habit for clearer responses.
AI Snips
Chapters
Transcript
Episode notes
Most Work Fights Are About Power Trust Or Recognition
- People rarely fight about the stated issue; they're fighting for power, care/closeness (trust), or respect/recognition instead.
- Perel recommends mapping a conflict to which of those three needs is at stake to bypass irrelevant detail.
Power Arises From Dependence Not Just Title
- Power at work isn't only hierarchical; it arises whenever one person depends on another and can therefore destabilize the relationship.
- Perel illustrates bottom-up power with a two-year-old who refuses a stroller to show dependence creates leverage.
Name And Stop Defeating Fight Strategies
- Stop defeating strategies like kitchen-sinking, tit-for-tat, and triangulation and call out the pattern to preserve dignity in disagreement.
- When you notice you're using them, ask to stop the dirty fighting and propose a respectful way to disagree instead.