HIListically Speaking with Hilary Russo Ep157 - What's the Root Cause of Your Trauma With Melissa Hiemann
Melissa Hiemann had her 'awakening' back in 2014 when she realized after years of avoiding her traumas through addictions and instant gratification, she was repeating bad behaviors and avoiding the root cause of her pain.
Nearly failing out of school and focusing on limited beliefs, she realized something had to give.
That wake-up call lead her on a new path of discovery and inner healing. Now, through her Centre for Healing, she's helping others find their future peace today, by raising consciousness through manifesting and being trauma-informed.
On this episode of HIListically Speaking, we get to the root of what's holding you back and weighing you down, discover different energetic hygiene approaches and pave the way for abundant living.
DOWNLOAD AND TUNE IN TO THIS CONVERSATION ON ANY PODCAST PLATFORM OR YOUTUBE!
https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso
CHAPTERS/KEY MOMENTS
00:00 Intro and Your Future Peace 01:47 Root Cause of Addictions and instant gratification 09:15 Unexpected Journey and Finding Purpose 11:38 Maintaining Energetic Hygiene for Practitioners 14:10 Importance of Professionalism and Self-Care 19:13 Setting Boundaries and Self-Care in Work 22:35 Importance of Trauma-Informed Certification 30:00 Rapid Fire Game 32:58 Healing Generational Trauma and Self-Regulation 36:24 Trauma-Informed Healing Resources
CONNECT WITH MELISSA https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecentreforhealing https://www.instagram.com/thecentreforhealing/ https://www.youtube.com/@thecentreforhealing https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissahiemann/
GRAB HER BOOK ON AMAZON!Natural High: Secrets to Overcoming Instant Gratification and Finding Inner Peace https://amzn.to/3yPTwxR
CENTER FOR HEALING COURSES (Use code HILARY for a 10% discount on any course)
https://www.thecentreforhealing.com/a/43957/58GLXrgy
PUT THE HEALING IN YOUR HANDS WITH HAVENING https://www.hilaryrusso.com/havening
CONNECT WITH HILARY https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrusso https://www.youtube.com/hilaryrusso https://www.facebook.com/hilisticallyspeaking https://www.tiktok.com/@hilisticallyspeaking https://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcast
Music by Lipbone Redding https://lipbone.com/ TRANSCRIPT
00:07 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
A lot of people. They reach out for things outside of themselves to try and feel okay, to try and feel safe in their body, and so those can be instant things like addictions, like I had shopping addictions. I had heroin, marijuana, alcohol, cigarettes, anything I could do in the moment to not feel how I was feeling. I was just jumping to it because I didn't know how to escape how I was feeling in the moment and so when I had those things I felt good for a little bit. But what happens is you ruin your future peace.
00:40 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Let's get to the root cause Now. I know that that term is thrown around a lot right, root cause? And in the world of functional medicine and holistic medicine, it's about going beyond the diagnosis or the surface, or really getting to the heart of things, the soul of what is holding you back and weighing you down. One of the things I love about HIListically Speaking is having guests come on the show who are experts in their field, but they share their own journeys, right. They're getting to their own root cause, their soul, and turning their own traumas into triumphs.
01:17
Melissa Hiemann she has been on her own awakening journey and she started that back in 2014. And, melissa, you nearly failed out of school. You struggled with addictions addictions and I use that with an S on the end and from those traumas you learned how to heal your limiting beliefs and now, as a therapist, you help others do that every day. It is such a pleasure to have you here and being really open to talk about the root cause and how we can change those traumas into triumphs. Thanks for being here.
01:48
Thank you so much for having me on. It's a pleasure. I want to really talk about the root cause of things, because we haven't covered that topic, but also the fact that you have dealt with numerous addictions, not just one. I've had people come on the show talking about one thing, but it goes back to this book that you wrote called Natural High Secrets to Overcoming Instant Gratification and then Finding the Inner Peace. So can we go there? First, because I think in this world of instant gratification, which we get that from the internet, we get that from different addictions and the internet can be one of them. Now we get that from different addictions and the internet can be one of them. Now, how are you working with people in this area from your own experiences?
02:30 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
Yeah, sure. So yeah, from my own experience of overcoming my addictions and going on my own healing journey, as you mentioned, I came to realize I wasn't willing to sit in my body with how I was feeling. And so an outcome of that and a symptom of that, is that either we jump up into our head, we try and intellectualize everything and also we try to numb out how we're feeling, because essentially we're all trying to feel good, right, we're all trying to feel peaceful and happy and like, obviously. And so when we don't feel like that and if we don't have the tools for several root cause reasons, if we don't have the tools to soothe ourselves, if we don't have the tools to feel our emotions, we don't feel safe to feel our emotions, then a lot of people they reach out for things outside of themselves to try and feel okay, to try and feel safe in their body, and so those can be instant things like addictions.
03:28
Like I had shopping addictions. I had heroin, marijuana, alcohol, cigarettes, anything I could do in the moment to not feel how I was feeling. I was just jumping to it because I didn't know how to escape how I was feeling in the moment. And so when I had those things. I felt good for a little bit, you know, but what happens is you ruin your future peace because I've just spent all my money, I've just I've got to hang over the next day, I've taken away from my future self feeling okay, because I wanted that instant gratification, I wanted to feel better now, and I didn't know, I didn't have the tools to know how to do that, and so that took me on a huge journey of then discovering how to heal, to feel my emotions, to be able to process them, to be able to not project it onto everyone else. And then, yeah, this whole journey took me through a lot of modalities and it took me to wanting to help others and give this really valuable information to others that are struggling or they have family members that are struggling.
04:36 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Yeah, you mentioned. You didn't want it to ruin your future peace. That hit me. You didn't want it to ruin your future peace. That hit me. You didn't want it to ruin your future peace. So there was a wake up call, apparently. What was that about?
04:51 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
Oh my gosh. So the wake up call I was sitting in my little apartment on the beach and I had my sports car and I had my corporate job and you know, externally my life looked amazing. But in, in reality, I was in that little apartment because I had left my abusive relationship. I had been with someone else to help myself leave that relationship because I was so insecure. And I remember the day that I moved, the other guy was like I can't do this.
05:19
And I remember sitting there like so depressed and so sad, looking out at the water, thinking maybe I'm the lowest common denominator here, like why does this keep happening? You know, and I had no awareness I had, I was just, you know, blaming everyone else. I was like the whim of everyone else and I was like I think I need to get help, like and at that point maybe I had seen a counselor once. I was all about just like being positive, making sure I look good on the outside and kind of just pushing, sucking it up and pushing it through and and, and you know, part of that was I was probably looking at the water, drinking or whatever I was doing, and I that's the first time I reached out for for help, because I was like again I, that I probably have a part in this more than I realize and, and maybe you know, and I well, that's the wake up call, right?
06:12 - Hilary Russo (Host)
I mean part of that is the awareness. The first step to any change is awareness and to be able to sit back and be like perhaps this is something that I need to take responsibility for and stop blaming everything outside of self.
06:26 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
Exactly that. Yeah, that was huge yeah.
06:30 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Yeah, and maybe, maybe blame isn't the right word because then we're just shaming ourselves, but just taking accountability and responsibility that you want to have a better future right as you. Better future peace. Yeah that what's not working. Maybe I'm part of not seeing what could be working, so how did that lead you to the work that you're doing now, and especially the root cause therapy method?
06:54 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
Yeah, so yeah, this would be like 2013,. 2014 I'm talking about. So it was quite a while ago, but I did. I, I, a friend, had um come over and he was like you should contact this other guy. He's like into this life coaching or something. Now I'm like sure I'll message him and have a chat, you know.
07:12
Anyway, I organized a session and it wasn't just a chat, it was a deeply transformational regression, inner child healing experience, and I walked out just never the same person again, just becoming conscious of my subconscious, of my unconscious, of these patterns that were playing out in the background. Because, honestly, I thought yesterday and the past was just in the past I didn't realize it was still playing out in the now. I had no awareness of that. And so when I walked out of that session, I was like wow. And I remember two weeks later he's like I'm running a course, I'm training people in it, and at the time I was in a sales job because I knew I wanted a business. I just didn't know what kind. I'm like I need to learn sales. So I remember doing that course and halfway through it hit me like a lightning bolt. I don't know for those of you that you just found your purpose in the middle of something. It literally felt like a lightning bolt went through my body, yes, and I was like this is what I'm meant to be doing. I'm meant to be helping people get out of their own way.
08:17
And I remember just healing like kind of one limiting belief, this fear of failure and I had been working on a business in the background like a jewelry business for a year and in healing that one belief, within two weeks I had finished designing the product, got it in production, started like selling it like so quickly and I'm like, oh my gosh, people just get in their own way. I was just getting in my own way, like I need to help people get out of their own way as well, like I, honestly, I grew up thinking that I was dumb and I grew up thinking that I couldn't learn like other people and there was something wrong with me. But actually I was just disassociated because I didn't feel safe growing up. There was quite a bit of trauma and I took on the beliefs that people told me.
08:56
So starting to shift them, starting to feel my emotions, starting to become aware of my behaviors, that I was doing to try and escape how I was feeling Like it just opened up a whole new world for me. So I became certified as soon as I could and I just did not stop studying. All of a sudden I was a bookworm. All of a sudden I cut out half the people in my life and I'm just like surrounded by books and videos and like I'm like, give me more, you know. And that's kind of where it started, yeah.
09:27 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Yeah, it's amazing how we can look back on where we were five years ago, 10 years ago, and think I never thought in a million years I would be doing this. You know, I think about that myself because my background being a journalist. But the traumas of being in journalism especially when you're dealing with stories from 9-11 or just traumatic conversations that moved me into this work or just stuff that we've dealt with in life, and it's kind of like a pop, right. You're like what am I doing? How can I leave this world better? Right. And then you're like I never thought I'd be doing this. But if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
10:04 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
I'd be doing this, but if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. Yes, yeah, totally, and I think that when you start to do any kind of therapy or like healing well, you do tend to expand outside of you just being in the survival, like looking after yourself, and as you expand, you're like I want to serve people. Now, like I'm, I have this huge yearning to like heal people and help as many people as I can, and I think it's beautiful and I think it's amazing.
10:29
whatever industry that we're in, you can just tell when people are really passionate and they're lit up and they're like on this, on this path, you know and so, yeah, I just, I just love, but I particularly love our space as well, because I'm, I know, like until I'm 100 I'll probably still find things to heal, but I'm forever expanding to be of service, you know, and then in turn, then we can pass that wisdom on to the people around us and onto our clients and the people that we're mentoring, and it's just a beautiful ripple effect.
11:03 - Hilary Russo (Host)
And we don't own it. That's the thing Like everything that we effect and we don't own it. That's the thing Like everything that we're learning we don't own. So even if you're developing a course or a certification, or you're sharing a modality or an approach, or you're helping somebody else heal their traumas or upsets, we're not healing them, we're just guiding them, we're supporting them, but we don't own the process. You know, and we see a lot of people out there coaching and doing their thing, and there are many that are doing for the right reasons, and then there are some that are doing it for reasons that are not so beneficial of the person they are serving. So how do you differentiate yourself? To make sure people know I'm coming from an authentic space yourself, to make sure?
11:44 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
people know I'm coming from an authentic space. Yeah, definitely. So that's something that I found out of my training. I kind of went into a session going OK, obviously I want to make money and things like that. But I was like I've been given a bunch of tools what is the protocol here to actually run a really effective session? So my clients are getting so much out of it.
12:04
Because my first few sessions I was like I look back and I think that could have gone so much better, like obviously we're always learning and things like that. But I had to put it, structure it together myself, and so one of like a part of my mission is to help as many people that are healers and therapists to do what they love full time, and a part of that was to go what did I actually need when I got training to run the best sessions that I can? So my clients are walking away. They know they got something out of it, because this work can be really intangible, like I think I feel better, you know, and that can be like talk therapy, like oh, I think I feel better, I think I feel worse, I don't know. I'm kind of walking around on the surface, and so what I did was I created this structure for not only for clients but for the practitioners to feel really confident, to be able to run a really holistic session looking at the whole person and then to be able to find the root cause through this structure and then.
13:00
So my path is like international business freight, like it was completely different, but what I got out of that was that I was really good at in terms of collecting data and looking at data changes. So what I did was I was like, as a practitioner and as a client, for you to see the exact changes that have happened over each session. So we call it the testing sheet and we can actually see, with the client's feedback, including muscle testing, including just how they're feeling and and, somatically, what's coming up for them. We can see and manage the priorities of what we can work on in each session and what has actually been shifted, like we actually have data from each session and so we can actually show the client or tell the client and actually prioritize what's best to work on. What have we already worked through? Um, and so that's kind of like the, the heart of root cause therapy.
13:51
It's like making it a much more tangible process and looking at someone on all levels of consciousness, their conscious mind their subconscious, their physical body, their mental body, um, and so yeah, it's a, it's that, and that's not including the actual healing part of it, the actual going to the root cause. But that's such an important piece because I really want more professionalism in the space. I wanted people to know that they were safe with their practitioner. So, like in my training there's a lot of training around like that, how to manage your clients properly like I've had coaching sessions where they're just like here's a calendar link, like there's no intake form, there's no like proper structure, like oh yeah, like they might email you after, like no, I want this to be a really safe container where we know I'm with someone that knows what they're doing. We teach the method, but we also teach the business side of that to be really ethical and really give that credibility.
14:50 - Hilary Russo (Host)
I love that we're touching on this area of how to serve the practitioner and the coach. I mean, I was just telling you when we were before we pressed record that I just finished doing a two-day conference where I was emcee and also presenting to healers, to healers, coaches, practitioners, because we're really the first ones to not think about taking care of ourselves. And one of the areas that I focus on a lot is secondary traumatic stress, because we think it's burnout, we think we're just overwhelmed and rarely, when you're doing trauma work especially, you don't realize that you might be just like a sponge. You're taking in some of what you're hearing, some of what another person's trauma is that primary duress right. So we need more conversations like this, especially for practitioners, caregivers, coaches, therapists, doctors that yes, you are in service to others, but how beautiful is it that you are taking care of yourself so that you can show up 100% for someone else and stop putting yourself on the back burner, you know.
15:52 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
Absolutely, I mean so.
15:54
My partner and I in 2016 opened an outpatient mental health and addiction center, so we were not only dealing and helping people with their addictions, but also we would include their their main family members or their partner, whoever was mainly their person and so there was a lot of that and we were working 12 hour days and I remember this older lady that, um, we had like infranutrition things and she was like you guys need to get massages, you guys need to slow down, like you can't, like people need you, and at the time I was like, whatever, I was like I'm fine, and we were just pushing through and working crazy hours and managing all the staff and like, obviously like dealing with inquiries and hearing all the stories and doing the healing. So we're like, yeah, like you said, like secondary trauma, witnessing with the client the traumas that they went through, like in some of them, you know, obviously horrific, and like kind of processing that and doing our own work at the same time. And yeah, and we did, we got to the point after like four and a half years where, like after I had a child as well, after I had a baby, that changed my priority of like looking after myself and having time. And that's why we kind of shifted over to teaching online courses, not only being able to help more people around the world, but to actually look after ourselves a little bit. Because it was, it was, yeah, I was getting to the point of burnout and I was getting sick a lot and I was dysregulated, like sometimes I was getting really angry and really frustrated and and that's like not the approach that I want to have.
17:30
I'm the center for healing, like we're meant to be baseball and I'm like we need to practice what we preach here. So I so resonate with that and, yeah, part of like the training for our students is that energetic hygiene, you know, energetically, like before a session, grounding yourself, being able to hold space for them, an empathetic space, but not trying to take on what's coming up and letting the client process it and, like you said, being a guide. And then, after a session, like little things, like just getting doing your notes, just like getting it out, so you're not thinking about it for days after, having your own little ritual to help clear the space. And it might be also little things like increasing your prices a little bit so you have less clients. So there's so many little elements that you can do to find that that work-life balance because the work is is so important like the world needs us. So, yeah, like you said, we do need to make sure that our cup is full so then we don't have empathy, burnout and things like that so important.
18:31 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Energetic hygiene. Energetic hygiene, that is a great way of putting it. So let's talk about some of those energetic hygiene approaches that we can do for those who are in the caregiving practitioner doctors, therapists, you know what, anyone because it doesn't matter what your, what field you're in, you're always going to be hearing other people's stuff right, whether you do it for a living or not. So let's go through maybe like five things people can do. You just mentioned a couple. You mentioned saying yes to that massage, doing your notes right away, doing a little self care right, doing the notes right away rather than waiting. Name a couple others. I'm curious.
19:13 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
Yeah, so other things would be well, like I said, just increasing your prices a little bit, just so that, and not feeling bad about that. I mean some people like to do a sliding scale, which means sometimes you charge certain demographics one price, but I found that I just I had to do that to honor my time and that allowed me to have like a couple of hours in the day to chill and watch Netflix or just that's self-care, to chill and watch Netflix or just that's self-care.
19:40
That is self-care especially for those of us that, like we're always like I need you to be doing something with work, like no, you can be a normal person as well and just like binge a little bit, and that's fine. You know, on your favorite show and the other things I would say is that and this is a word that gets thrown around so much with boundaries but just getting really clear on what works for you in terms of maybe there's only certain times of the day where you have the most energy, like the best energy. So for some people it might be 4pm onwards, so that's fine. Make your availability 4pm onwards, and why I say boundaries? Because some of us go. Your availability 4p onwards. And why I say boundaries? Because some of us go.
20:23
Well, I just need to be available when clients need me, so I'm going to jump on it anytime, even if it doesn't suit my I know, like when I have good energy and not good energy, and so honoring that and holding to that and not being scared that they're not going to book with you or not being scared that you're not going to make enough money because of that. If you really like, own that and go. No, these are. I only work Thursday, friday and Saturday um for consultations. Whatever industry that you're in, try your best to make it suit how you work, because otherwise you will get burnt out and you will get resentful and I think that does come through um with whatever you're doing to the clients as well. So that's super important. And I did touch on ritual a little bit and it depends how woo-woo you are, how spiritual you are. But you know I've got stuff like this space clearing spray. You know that I just spray around me. I like to smell some essential oil to kind of ground me.
21:21
Sometimes I'm like I just need to go outside and just be near a tree or something like I just and just grounding grounding and I would say the number one thing and we do offer supervision in our courses is that have someone that you can talk to about your sessions, to decompress and just to debrief. We were really lucky at the Healing Center because all our officers were near each other like, oh my God, I want to tell you about the session, blah, blah, blah. We were able to debrief, but it's not so easy, especially with client confidentiality. You don't want to just like tell your partner about your whole client's session. So having someone that, whether they're a co-worker, like someone that is doing the same method as you.
22:04
It could be someone that is your trainer or someone that you've hired as a mentor, someone that you can just go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, like this or I got triggered, or you know cause. We're going to get triggered as well, you know, in sessions, and I think if you've got someone to bounce that off, that's so important for your own mental health and to get it out.
22:26 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Everything you said is like, so on point, because you know we want to serve, we want to help, we want to help people heal, and rarely are we thinking about what we can do.
22:35
But also having that one person who's in a similar field, that understands, rather than unloading it on your partner or unloading it on you know a friend who's kind of like I don't know what you're talking about, and not breaking confidentiality, but doing it within the walls of your, your therapeutic center, or if you work at a place or you just know, like I have a mentor that I go to, I have my other practitioners, and having that just to be like, how do you feel about this? You need that, we all need that, you know. So that's really important. I think those are really good tips, especially when we're doing trauma work, and I want to talk to you briefly about that, because you do offer a trauma informed certification and there are a lot of certifications out there. So what makes your trauma-informed certification different from the copious other ones that are out there, the myriad of courses that call you trauma-informed?
23:34 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
Yeah, sure. So originally, as I was watching the industry change and a lot of coaches coming into the industry and myself just having the awareness of blending therapy and coaching, I'm like I have the sense that a lot of people are being held space for, but I feel like with coaching, there's not much awareness of trauma or reactions of trauma that people are having or when a client is having a trauma response, and, as a coach, often people are trying to push them through that, which can cause them to shut down or get depressed or become burnt out. And so, as I watch the industry rapidly grow, I said to my partner and another trainer that we have on, like you guys need to make a trauma-informed certificate, like for these coaches, like it's super important. So they, they did it, they create, they recorded it and everything and we started selling it and I just I just had this feeling I'm like it's not. It was a very affordable price and everything. I'm like it's not, it's not reaching enough people, it's not, and it's not reaching enough people, it's not.
24:45
And and we're doing quite well with our other courses. I know you guys put a lot of effort into this and it's an incredible course, but do you mind making it free. And they were like what? And I'm like, trust me, trust me, trust me. They're like, okay, I'm like we need to make a positive ripple effect in the industry. And so they were like, okay, like they're just trusting me again, and it absolutely blew up. So to date, I think about 70,000 people have enrolled in this course and literally because I see the comments every day, so in our courses you can do comments under each lesson and we're there and we're answering questions and things like that, and the testimonial is like this is the best course on being trauma-informed in the world. I've done a psychology degree. This is the best education that I've ever had.
25:31
This is, and so people taking it that are either managers, parents, teachers, so it's not just for coaches, it's for anyone that is holding space to other people in any capacity, and so many people go through it for themselves as well, and so the main kind of points that are in there that people get out of it is understanding the nervous system, understanding the reactions of the nervous system, understanding how to hold space for someone by regulating yourself, to be able to hold a safe space for whoever you're holding the space for, and to recognize when someone is having a trauma response and how to navigate that and how to help them around that.
26:13
And I think you know one of my old friends she was and I'm talking 15 years ago became a school teacher and she would like complain about some kid that had ADHD and she would be quite negative about it and be like, oh, I kind of would have a go at them, see if they do this course they would have a huge understanding of oh, this is actually the reaction that they're having because of what they've been through. And these are the things that I can do to help this student to feel safer, to learn and to hold and to be able to understand. Okay, what can we adjust to make it a safer experience for them?
26:48
So they're not having these behavioral reactions. But it comes to anyone really like why do we have these behavioral reactions? What do they actually mean? You know, and yeah, so.
27:00 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Well, I think it's amazing that you're offering it for free and I just want to let folks know that I'm going to have that link in the notes of this podcast for Melissa's certification. This is a trauma informed certification or even the other short, free educational courses that you do offer. We'll have that all in the podcast notes for the Center for Healing. That's so generous and honestly to be able to give that gift to people even if they don't need the certification.
27:29
The knowledge is really helpful, whether you are in the field of therapy or coaching, like you said, teachers I know plenty of lawyers and people that are in the legal that are hearing the stories from the narcissist, and I mean the battle back and forth is traumatic in a lot of ways and there are a lot of lawyers that are getting sort of certifications in narcissism, trauma, informed approaches, just so they know how to NLP, you know learning the language of what's coming at you. So all of this is so helpful. I mean more education is great as long as it's authentic and comes with some kind of a backing.
28:10 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
So absolutely and the the way that the that Matt and Ryan teacher is. It's so digestible, like you don't have to have the technical knowledge of, like the coaching industry or NLP or as a therapist, like it's so or science exactly. It's like, oh my gosh, like everything that I've learned has clicked in.
28:31
You know, and um, and, and people enjoy watching it and I'm just so I'm so grateful for Matt and Ryan that they were like yes, make this a free, because I truly believe if everyone becomes trauma informed, we are going to have a better world, because we're going to realize I'm raging and I'm angry, because actually I'm feeling scared and dysregulated about this because potentially I'm getting triggered because of this.
28:56
So, rather than attacking someone all of a sudden, we've had this huge awareness about ourselves and we're able to calm down and then have a conversation with someone that we need to have a conversation with, rather than attacking each other, abusing each other, cutting each other off, like just basic human behavior, like having that understanding that all of us I don't want to say all of us have experienced extreme trauma, but all of us have. I don't want to say all of us have experienced extreme trauma, but all of us have probably had painful experiences of probably getting triggered now by each other and by circumstances. That, yeah, if we're to have that awareness, understanding ourselves and others, it's going to be a much more peaceful, communicative society. I really believe that. Yes absolutely.
29:41 - Hilary Russo (Host)
I couldn't agree more. And it's a question of learning how to respond instead of react. You know, because that that scared, that scared creature that we have in the little amygdala up there, little Amy, that gets scared and doesn't feel safe if she's gonna, if she's backed against a corner, it's all hell breaks loose. You know, yeah, so it's definitely understanding that that's great, it's such a beautiful offering and just everything that you're doing. So, before we actually wrap things up because I know you've got things that you need to do, you got a full day ahead of you in Australia I would love to play a little game with you, real quick, sure, and what I'm going to do is I'm going to throw out a word and you just come back with the first word that comes to mind. Let's get things going with the get you get you moving on your day ahead. You'll thank thank me for it later. All right, one word, here we go. Transformational Recalcerapy Okay, okay. Healing.
30:44
In a child Peace neutrality practitioner space holder boundaries self-care addiction self-soothing energetic hygiene.
31:11 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
I know it's two words, but I just really love that I'm going to say the word you already said, but boundaries Okay.
31:20 - Hilary Russo (Host)
And self-care, and that's one word, because it's hyphenated.
31:25 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
Yes, self-love Beliefs.
31:33 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Generalizations Good.
31:34 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
Gratification, I want to say painful emotions, which is the opposite of gratification. But I feel like it's okay. We're trying to gratify ourselves so we don't feel the painful emotions.
31:47 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Now I'm going to give you one more word. I got to keep going. One more Root cause one more root cause.
31:56 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
The word that comes to mind is dna, just because I've had a lot of clients with generational trauma at the moment.
32:03 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Yeah, that's a. That's a big topic yeah we didn't even really get into that. I know you mentioned it a little bit going back to the inner child, but that generational trauma and holding space for ourselves with the ancestral trauma, what would you say to those tuning in about being able to process that and be open to the idea of generational trauma?
32:29 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
so you can look at the cherry blossom study. There's a study that's been done on how generational trauma can get passed down, not only by us hearing stories that have happened to our ancestors, but actually we live out the symptoms in our dna. So some people will have symptoms and behaviors that they don't understand why they're having them and it doesn't make sense their reactions that they're having to the life that they've had, and sometimes the trauma has been passed down generationally. And so I have taken people into regression and I myself have gone into regression where I was in my grandmother, where she couldn't feed her kids and my mom was only little and I felt how she felt and I saw the rice on the table and that's all she had for them. This is in Sri Lanka, in a village rice on the table and that's all she had for them. This is in Sri Lanka, in a village, and I and and the behaviors that I had previous to understanding that was like I would hate to go to a restaurant.
33:22
I always looked at the food and I always used to think there's not enough food. I can't eat this restaurant food. They're wasting so much food. There's not enough food. I couldn't go to a supermarket. I had all these weird behaviors that were unexplainable, but once I went to that and healed that, that shifted all of that. Now I'm happy to go to a restaurant and I believe there's an abundance of food and so, yes, it's very those of us that are willing to do the work.
33:49 - Hilary Russo (Host)
We're often healing generations of trauma from both sides our mother and father's ancestry you know, so it's yeah I remember when I first went through trauma informed, my trauma, informed certification I really opened up and I was like and I don't know where it came from it, just like it was, like I just vomited all of this generational trauma and the feeling that I had in my body that I had not felt before.
34:14
And I remember calling my mom after saying it ends now, like it ends today. And I had already been doing this work for a while, but something about something hit me hard with that program where I went really deep into the generational trauma and I was like, oh no, like it ends, it ends today, it ends here, with this lineage, right here. And that's really an awareness, it's stepping into the tension of the unknown and realizing you have a couple of choices. You can go forward, right, you can retreat and nothing changes. If nothing changes, you can try to go around it without dealing with it or try to go over it, but you'll get kicked back. So it's really just like diving through it, you know.
34:56 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
A hundred percent yeah.
34:59 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Wow, Good stuff. Melissa, thank you so much for being here and I want to give you a moment because we got off track after the. Well, we got on a good track, but we changed gears after the rapid fire game.
35:23 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
I'm curious do you have any final words that you'd like to share with those tuning in? Yeah, I'd just like to say that, if anything, start to feel into your body, more into your feelings, and stop intellectualizing them so much. And it's safe to feel your negative emotions and they do go if you fully feel them and breathe into them. They do go after 60 to 90 seconds and I think that would save so many people's lives just by doing that. Just by doing that, your relationships, your health, the way you look after yourself. That's a really great first step to take.
35:50 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Yeah, like, is it a bad day or is it just a bad five minutes? Right, we tend to just like catastrophize everything to make it like life is horrible, and it's like is life horrible or is it really just like in this moment, right now, you're really ticked off, right yeah, but that's great. Just give yourself a chance to self-regulate. You know we have that power and it's beautiful when we know we have it, because then we're just more empowered.
36:15 - Melissa Hiemann (Guest)
Definitely. Thanks so much. Thank you, it's been my honor to be on. Thank you so much.
36:23 - Hilary Russo (Host)
Might as well. All right, I want you to take advantage of Melissa's trauma-informed certification and courses. She's offering a lot of free resources that you can put in your toolbox that brain candy jar that you got a lot of free resources that you can put in your toolbox that brain candy jar that you got. I'll add that in the podcast notes of this episode, along with her book Natural High Secrets to Overcoming Instant Gratification and Finding Inner Peace, plus more on her root cause therapy and the Center for Healing, and we talked a lot about ways that you can be kind to your mind during this conversation, finding ways to heal the healer in you. One way that you can do that is with Havening techniques. If you want to learn more about Havening and how it can change your brain, I dropped a link in the podcast notes as well on ways to connect with me. Remember to give this podcast and this episode a little love. Just by leaving a rating or review. You are making a difference.
37:14
Wherever you are tuning in, we are on all podcast platforms, including Apple, Spotify, and even YouTube. I love hearing from you week after week and I appreciate all your shares HIListically Speaking is edited 2Market Media with music by Lipbone Redding and supported by you. So thank you. I appreciate you every day. I know there is a lot of podcasts that are out there. You're choosing to join me every week. It is a gift to have you here and I am truly grateful. I love you, I believe in you and I will see you next week.