Life Kit The key to keeping old friends? Stop keeping score
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Mar 5, 2026 
Nina Badzin, podcaster and writer who hosts Dear Nina, reflects on the value of longtime friendships. She talks about why old friends matter and why stopping scorekeeping helps relationships endure. She shares low-stakes ways to stay close, when infrequent contact still counts, how to ask for what you need, and why in-person meetings deepen bonds.
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Stop Keeping Score And Assume The Best
- Longstanding friendships survive when people stop keeping score and assume the best of each other.
- Nina Badzin says the two key skills are not tallying perceived slights and giving friends the benefit of the doubt, which sustain ties over decades.
Value Complementary Friendship Skills
- Friendships thrive when partners offer complementary skills instead of identical effort.
- Nina Badzin explains one friend may be organized and reach out easily while the other struggles with scheduling, so judge effort by fit not parity.
Tell Friends What You Need And Ask For Initiation
- Do tell friends how you like to be cared for when it's a recurring issue, and ask them to initiate sometimes.
- Nina Badzin suggests saying you value their presence, request occasional initiation, and give them space to explain why they show up differently.