Ladies, We Need To Talk Where's my village? Esther Perel on how to build community
Dec 15, 2025
Esther Perel, renowned psychotherapist and author known for her work on relationships and intimacy, explores rebuilding the lost village. She talks about chosen family, practical ways to create community, the duty of showing up, and how rituals and routines turn strangers into lasting support networks.
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Romantic Relationship Became The Failed Village
- Modern life has concentrated social expectations onto one romantic partner, creating an impossible welfare-state-of-two.
- Esther Perel explains the romantic relationship became expected to supply belonging, identity, parenting and passion, which strains couples.
Individualism Dismantled Traditional Villages
- Individualism and remote living have led to desocialisation and shrinking social networks.
- Esther notes people live and work remote, left villages behind, and now expect one partner to fulfil communal functions once spread across many.
One Thanksgiving Created A 34 Year Village
- Esther invited 10 mostly unconnected people to a friend's place for Thanksgiving when none had family nearby.
- That group still meets 34 years later and their children consider each other cousins, showing continuity born from a single act of organising.
