21: Relational and Betrayal Trauma - Part One

Our guest today is Marnie Breecker. In this first episode of a two-part series on relational and betrayal trauma, we’ll define this type of trauma and its impact on both partners.

As a sex addiction therapist and a marriage and family therapist, Marnie is an expert in assessing the traumatic impact of infidelity on relationships. She shares that affected partners experience two types of trauma: the trauma of discovery and the trauma of their own response.

It is rare for addicts to seek help on their own, so partners often discover the betrayal, intentionally or not, through computer history, text messages, or bank statements. After this discovery, the partner can show symptoms of depression, shock, anger, hypervigilance, and isolating behavior. They may also make lifestyle changes, like starting to smoke or drink, and question everything they believed to be true. When their expectations are violated, they lose trust in their partner and themselves, and begin seeking safety because they feel they can't trust their own senses.

Shame To Resilience Workshop

Is your relationship struggling to recover after betrayal? Have individual therapy, group sessions, or other recovery programs left you feeling stuck? My program, Shame to Resilience, is specifically designed to help men step up for their partners and support true healing. Having worked with hundreds of couples navigating the aftermath of infidelity, I’ve found that shame is often the biggest obstacle to rebuilding trust and connection. This program addresses that barrier, guiding couples toward meaningful repair and growth. Learn more at the link below.

10-week Shame To Resilience Workshop for Men

After the initial shock of betrayal, partners often experience trauma related to their own reactions, questioning everything they believed and noticing changes in their lifestyle. Common responses include obsession, depression, anger, hypervigilance, and rumination, which can lead to self-doubt and a loss of confidence in making decisions.

Marnie identified five dimensions of trauma: emotional, sexual, existential, life crisis, and relational. Healing must address all these areas. During reconciliation, it is crucial for the recovering addict to support their partner and avoid worsening their trauma. Triggers may arise even during recovery, bringing unresolved aspects of the trauma to the surface.

Although the journey is challenging, it’s important to remember that it won’t always feel this way. There are many resources to help heal from relational betrayal, and there is hope.

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