I Have ADHD Podcast 383 BITESIZE | “You Don’t Look Autistic” — Why That’s Harmful (And What to Say Instead)
Mar 5, 2026
Kaelynn Partlow, autistic advocate and content creator known from Love on the Spectrum, unpacks why “You don’t look autistic” is harmful. She shares real stories, how to respond, and why invisible traits aren’t invalid. Conversations cover subtle bids for connection, negotiating needs, and practical ways to ask what someone actually wants.
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You Don't Look Autistic Is A Meaningless Claim
- Saying "you don't look autistic" is meaningless because autism isn't visually quantifiable.
- Kaelynn recalls hearing it in high school and explains nobody can reliably 'look' autistic since clinicians must know where to look.
High School Reaction To Kaelynn's Diagnosis
- Kaelynn recounts a friend in high school who told her she didn't look autistic after Kaelynn disclosed her diagnosis.
- Kaelynn responded that her service dog was doing its job, which the friend accepted as an explanation.
Redirect When Someone Says You Don't Look Autistic
- Respond by redirecting the question back: ask what they mean by "look autistic" to expose its vagueness.
- Kristen suggests phrasing like "What do you think it means to look autistic?" to make the speaker squirm and rethink the claim.