Raising Boys & Girls Episode 320: Letting Go of Pressure & Performance with Enneagram 3 Parents, Kelli Haywood & Brandon Verner
Oct 28, 2025
Kelli Haywood and Brandon Verner, both Enneagram Type 3 parents, share their experiences of balancing ambition with meaningful family connections. They discuss the pressure to perform and how it affects children, emphasizing the need for emotional presence. The duo offers practical tips for slowing down and fostering open communication. They highlight the importance of adventure and family traditions to create a safe, accepting environment where kids can thrive. Their insights encourage parents to embrace vulnerability and connection over productivity.
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Structure Is A Three's Gift And Risk
- Threes bring consistency, organization, and clear expectations which young children need.
- Those strengths become problematic only when they turn into performance-based love and conditional approval.
Reward Effort Not Just Wins
- Watch for performance pressure in clothes, sports, or behavior and avoid praising only achievements.
- Shift rewards toward effort, identity, and emotional honesty instead of outcomes.
Ask Before You Advise
- Ask older kids permission before offering correction by saying, 'Are you open to feedback?' to avoid controlling conversations.
- Let them accept or decline so the moment becomes a two-way conversation.