Play Therapy Parenting Podcast S3E17 - Why Your Child Fights for Control — and How to Respond
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Dec 5, 2025 The discussion traces common toddler challenges back to a need for power and control. It looks at picky eating, defiance, and escalation cycles as control behaviors. The conversation highlights calm, neutral limits, offering empowering choices, and reflecting feelings to reduce struggles and improve connection.
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Challenging Behaviors Stem From Power Needs
- Many common toddler behaviors (picky eating, tantrums, saying no) share one root: a grab for power and control.
- Dr. Brenna Hicks explains children have very few domains of control, so they seize what they can, like eating, and escalate when that control is threatened.
Escalation Is Learned Through Reinforcement
- Children become conditioned to escalate emotional intensity because prior escalation sometimes worked to regain control.
- Dr. Brenna Hicks traces the cycle: simple refusal → crying → screaming → tantrum if earlier steps were reinforced by adults giving in.
Go Away Is A Paradoxical Power Move
- When a child says Go away while overwhelmed, it's both a bid for space and a power grab; walking away can trigger panic because they then feel powerless.
- Dr. Brenna Hicks notes the paradox: removing the fight removes their outlet to gain control, so they call you back.
