Her Best Self ~ Eating Disorder Recovery, Anorexia, Bulimia & Food Freedom EP 277.5: Stop Focusing on How Far You Have to Go in Recovery (Focus on This Instead) **Must Listen Fav!**
Are you constantly measuring yourself against where you think you "should" be in recovery? Always focused on how far you still have to go instead of how far you've come? You're living in "the gap"—and it's stealing your joy and progress.
Today I'm sharing one of my biggest recovery regrets and the powerful mindset shift that changes everything: Gap vs Gain thinking. This concept from Dr. Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan's book "The Gap and The Gain" transformed how I view progress, and it will transform yours too.
In this episode, you'll discover:
- The difference between gap thinking and gain thinking
- Why focusing on your ideal future state keeps you stuck
- My biggest regret from my recovery journey (and how to avoid it)
- How to measure your progress backwards instead of forwards
- Why you're missing the blessings in your mess
- The one question that changes everything: "What's better today than yesterday?"
- How to start celebrating small wins instead of dismissing them
Ready to stop living in the gap and start living in the gain?
GAP VS GAIN EXPLAINEDLiving in the GAP:
- Constantly measuring yourself against an ideal or "perfect" version
- Focusing on the distance between where you are and where you "should" be
- Creates persistent feelings of falling short
- Always focused on what you LACK
Living in the GAIN:
- Measuring yourself backwards—looking at how far you've traveled from where you started
- Focusing on progress, growth, and what you've accomplished
- Creates satisfaction and momentum
- Focused on what you HAVE
❌ Focusing on how your body doesn't yet look how you want it to
❌ Obsessing over meals you still struggle with instead of celebrating ones you've conquered
❌ Comparing your progress to others who seem to be moving faster
❌ Fixating on still having food thoughts instead of noticing they're less frequent
❌ Constantly thinking about where you're "not yet"
❌ Feeling like you'll never be enough, never do enough
✅ Celebrating foods that once scared you but don't anymore
✅ Noticing decreased time thinking about food compared to 6 months ago
✅ Recognizing mental energy you've reclaimed in areas of your life
✅ Acknowledging small daily victories
✅ Measuring backwards from where you started
"I was so focused on what I lacked, that I lost what I had. When you focus on what you have, you actually gain what you lack."
I spent so much time thinking about the ideal—a constant moving target—thinking about where I wasn't yet, and how high the mountain seemed to continue to get. I was so fixated on needing to "arrive" that I almost missed the blessings in the mess.
My biggest mistake: Not being present in the specific moments because I was too busy looking for the next milestone.
If I knew then what I know now: I would have lived every day like recovery was inevitable for me—not optional, just a matter of time. I would have enjoyed the process instead of just trying to get through it.
THE POWER OF MEASURING BACKWARDSWhen you're in the gap: You have an unhealthy attachment to something you feel you NEED When you're in the gain: You focus on what you WANT and feel grateful for the journey
The shift from "need" to "want" changes everything: Need comes from internal dissatisfaction that can't be resolved unless you choose to surrender it. Want allows gratitude for where you've been and excitement for where you're going.
ACTIONABLE TIPS TO LIVE IN THE GAIN1. Journal and Identify Your Personal Gains Ask yourself: Am I constantly chasing what I haven't yet experienced, or am I acknowledging how far I've come?
2. Practice Present Moment Gratitude Ask: "What's better today than it was before?" instead of "What's still not working?"
3. Start Sessions with Wins Always identify your wins FIRST, then address challenges
4. Measure Progress Backwards Look at where you are now compared to 6 months ago, not compared to where you want to be
5. Search for Daily Evidence Your mind will start searching for evidence of what's better today when you train it to look
THE LIFE-CHANGING QUESTION"If you knew that your dream of recovery freedom was 100% already granted—if God came down and said this is already done for you—what would you do differently tomorrow?"
This question shifts you from gap thinking (needing to get somewhere) to gain thinking (being grateful for the journey while knowing the destination is secured).
KEY QUOTES💛 "I was so focused on what I lacked, that I lost what I had. When you focus on what you have, you actually gain what you lack."
💛 "My biggest regret was almost missing the blessings in the mess."
💛 "The person who fails the most will win, because to keep failing, you have to be good enough to keep playing."
💛 "If recovery was inevitable for me, I could choose how I wanted to be in that day."
💛 "What's better today than it was before?"
💛 "Those tiny little wins add up to freaking milestones, friend."
💛 "Life is so much better when you start living in the gain."
YOUR RECOVERY REFRAMEInstead of: "I'm not recovered yet"
Try: "I'm further along than I was 6 months ago"
Instead of: "I still struggle with this food"
Try: "I've conquered foods that used to terrify me"
Instead of: "I still think about food too much"
Try: "I think about food less than I used to"
The gap serves a purpose—it keeps us humble. But living there steals your joy and progress.
READY TO MOVE FROM GAP TO GAIN?If you're tired of feeling like you're never enough, if you want to start celebrating your progress instead of dismissing it:
👉 www.herbestself.co - Fill out a client application for personalized support
Stop measuring against where you haven't gone yet. Start measuring against where you've been.
Connect with Lindsey:🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Free FB Community: www.herbestselfsociety.com 🌟Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms
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Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.
*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.