43. Financial Infidelity in Couples: Research-Backed Strategies for Financial Advisors | Dr. Jenny Olson

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You've been there. A couple sits across from you in a discovery meeting, and something feels off. Maybe one partner shifts in their seat when you ask about spending patterns. Maybe the other answers too quickly, cutting off their spouse mid-sentence. You can't quite put your finger on it, but your spidey sense is telling you there's more to the story.

Enter Dr. Jenny Olson, Assistant Professor at Indiana University, whose research reveals what might be happening beneath the surface in about 30% of the couples sitting in your office. Jenny studies financial infidelity, and spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with affairs. Instead, it's about something far more common and surprisingly relatable: intentionally engaging in financial behaviors you expect your partner will disapprove of, then concealing them.

We're talking hidden Amazon packages, undisclosed bonuses, secret savings accounts (yes, even virtuous saving can create betrayal), and splurge purchases tucked away in closets. The kicker? Both partners might be doing it simultaneously, creating what Jenny calls "financial infidelity asymmetry," where neither person realizes the other is also concealing financial behaviors.

In this conversation, Jenny breaks down the actual definition of financial infidelity, dispelling myths (no, it's not just general secrecy about eating extra Oreos) and highlighting why interdependent financial resources make this different from other types of secrets. You'll learn the six domains where financial infidelity shows up most often, from hidden spending to concealed income to those "virtuous" secret savings that still violate transparency.

More importantly, you'll walk away with practical strategies for your next couple meeting. Jenny shares specific question frameworks that focus on behaviors rather than accusations, helping you create space for honest conversation without putting clients on the defensive. You'll learn what nonverbal cues to watch for (hint: pay attention to the speed and intensity of those head turns between partners) and why avoiding the word "infidelity" altogether might be your best move.

This episode gives you permission to ask about something most advisors sense but don't know how to address, all while maintaining the boundaries of your role. Because when couples aren't sharing the full financial picture with each other, they're probably not sharing it with you either.

RESOURCES AND GUEST INFORMATION

Connect with Dr. Jenny Olson:

• Personal Website: jennyginolson.com
• Financial Infidelity Scale: Available through website 
• LinkedIn: Jenny Olson

Connect with Host Ashley Quamme:

• Podcast Website: PlanningAndBeyond.com
• LinkedIn: Ashley Quamme 
• Beyond the Plan®: BeyondTheFP.com
• YouTube: Subscribe at @BeyondthePlanSolutions