148: Quickie: Negotiating for Threesomes + Sex Fantasies

10 snips

Sep 22, 2023

Explore the dynamics of different desires within relationships and the art of negotiation for threesomes and sex fantasies. Delve into the Wheel of Consent and the Yes, No, Maybe framework. Discover the upcoming course on Tantra and BDSM: Alchemy. Discuss the importance of expressing desires and creating a safe space for vulnerability. Embrace your own needs and desires while fostering open communication and overcoming fear and shame in sex.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Transcript

Episode notes

INSIGHT

Different Desires Don’t Mean Incompatibility

Desires that differ in a partnership don't automatically mean incompatibility or the relationship must end.
Dr. Cat reframes sex life issues as negotiation and parts work, not a binary win/lose over fantasies.

INSIGHT

Inner Parts Explain Sexual Ambivalence

People contain multiple conflicting parts that influence sexual choices, like wanting excitement and wanting safety.
Dr. Cat suggests giving each part a 'microphone' to speak without judgment to understand its fears and needs.

ADVICE

Negotiate With Safety Measures Not Ultimatums

When negotiating fantasies, collaborate on a plan without pressure and name needed safety measures like control, pacing, and boundaries.
Ask what each part needs to feel safe instead of pushing for immediate action.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

Have different desires than your lover? Does this mean that you're not compatible? Does this mean you can’t have the sex life that we desire?

Worry not, my lovers. I really believe in the power of all of us having the sex life of our dreams. ....And I also understand how threatening it can feel when our partner doesn't have the same desires that we do… Tune into this ep to hear the strategies for negotiating for threesomes and sex fantasies.

IN THIS EPISODE YOU’LL HEAR:

The dynamics that emerge when your partner's desires differ from yours
The delicate art of negotiation to co-create meaningful experiences
Navigating the nuances of negotiation in scenarios involving threesomes or moresomes
The various internal aspects of ourselves, each with its own beliefs and feelings
Collaborating on plans independently of your partner's expectations
The vulnerability required to express your desires, boundaries, needs, and fantasies
Strategies for fostering a satisfying sex life that resonates with both partners
A deep dive into the Wheel of Consent, distinguishing between allowing and receiving
The fear that can arise in relationships when conflicting desires or unconventional preferences emerge
Dr. Cat's guide on the Yes, No, Maybe framework
A tantalizing look into the upcoming course exploring Tantra and BDSM: Alchemy
A discussion on the collective trauma surrounding women's sexuality being reduced to entertainment
Introducing a "play lab" with your partner, setting aside 20-30 minutes to explore new experiences
And much more!

WANT MORE?

https://bettymartin.org/videos/
Alchemical ecstasy: Your complete guide to erotic negotiation: https://learn.sexloveyoga.com/SexualNegotiation
My 4-week course, ALCHEMY, is now open for enrollment. Sex Love Psychedelics: Alchemy is a four-week LIVE course, taking you through the experience of sex as psychedelic with teachings in tantra, embodiment, + BDSM. Join here. ⁠https://learn.sexloveyoga.com/alchemy