364. Marriage, Midlife and Staying Connected with the Whites

In this episode of You Are Not Broken, I sit down with Dr. Kate White and Jay White to talk about something we don’t discuss enough: what actually happens to marriages in midlife.

Because midlife isn’t just hot flashes and hormones. It’s identity shifts. Career pivots. Aging parents. Changing bodies. Evolving desire. And if we don’t talk about it, it can quietly unravel connection.

We explore how hormonal changes — especially in perimenopause and menopause — can significantly impact intimacy, mood, and relational dynamics. When libido shifts or sex becomes uncomfortable, couples often misinterpret it as rejection instead of biology. That misunderstanding creates distance.

We talk about how communication — real, vulnerable, scheduled communication — is essential. Not just “How was your day?” but “How are we doing?” So many couples assume the other person should just know what they need. They don’t. Curiosity is a skill.

We also discuss:

• Why midlife is often framed negatively — but can actually be deeply transformative

• The common pattern of women initiating divorce when they feel unseen or unheard

• The difference between sex and intimacy — and why emotional closeness fuels physical connection

• How counseling can create a safe space to untangle resentment and rebuild trust

• Why adapting to change — instead of resisting it — is key to long-term partnership

One of the most powerful themes of this episode is that midlife doesn’t destroy marriages. Silence does.

When couples understand what’s happening — hormonally, emotionally, relationally — they can respond with compassion instead of blame.

Marriage in midlife requires evolution. It requires honesty. It requires both people staying curious about who their partner is becoming.

And when that happens? Midlife can be a season of deeper connection — not disconnection.

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