277 | Engaging Your Daughter's Heart, Softening Your Own, and Taking Action to Be a Hero (Michelle Watson Canfield: Part 1)

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May 11, 2023

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield, psychologist and author who helps fathers connect with their daughters, shares practical heart-focused tools. She explains softening your tone, using eye contact and touch, asking nightly forgiveness questions, calming before discipline, and leading with the five Ls: laugh, love, look, lament, listen.

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ADVICE

Use Eye Contact To Soften Your Tone

Look into your daughter's eyes when you speak, especially during intense moments, to see how your tone affects her.
Michelle Watson Canfield says eye contact reveals whether your anger scares her or shuts her down and helps you soften your response.

INSIGHT

Turning Hearts Beats Turning Minds

Heart turns matter more than head turns for father-daughter attachment and require softer, between-the-lines listening.
Michelle links Luke 1:17 to turning fathers' hearts and says men develop a new emotional valve by engaging daughters' hearts.

ADVICE

Choose Touch And Closeness Over Volume

Soften by creating private moments and using touch or light taps instead of raising your voice.
Michelle and Jeff share examples like tapping a daughter's hand or meeting her where she is to avoid louder demands.

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Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield recognizes that dads need to turn their hearts—not just their heads—towards their daughters. In this episode, she shares several tools you can add to your fatherhood toolbox to engage your daughter's heart.

Full SHOW NOTES for today's conversation

Key Takeaways

When you look into your child's eyes, especially when you're angry, you'll respond differently.
Connect with your daughter's heart each night by asking, "How have I been sharp with you today, and will you forgive me?"
You will never regret waiting to discipline your child until after you have calmed down.
The best antidote to saving your daughter from a dud is engaging her at the heart level.
Lead your daughter to laugh, love, look, lament, and listen.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield has dedicated the last 13 years to empowering fathers to turn their hearts toward their daughters. In addition to writing two books for dads of daughters, she is the founder of The Abba Project and has hosted The Dad Whisperer Podcast since 2016.

Key Quotes

7:44 - "But again, we all give out what we have. So if you are in a place where you don't know how to be gentle with yourself or quiet before the Lord to let Him convict you or speak to you, it's going to be harder to give that out. But it starts with you having times, I would say with God, where you listen and soften your heart. Because don't we love how Proverbs 15 says, a soft answer turns away wrath?"
12:29 - "The best antidote to saving your daughter from the dudes and the duds is you engage at a heart level by asking her questions. How did my response impact you? How did that make you feel? All those heart words."

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