Nonviolent Communication - Marshall Rosenberg's NVC Training 1. The Basics of Nonviolent Communication with Marshall B. Rosenberg
Don't Teach or Change
- Never try to teach anyone anything or change anyone.
- Focus on connection and meeting needs, not imposing your will.
Observations vs. Evaluations
- Distinguish observations from evaluations.
- Focus on concrete behaviors instead of subjective interpretations.
Hear Needs, Not Insults
- With NVC, transform judgments and insults into unmet needs.
- Learn to hear only "please" and "thank you" behind seemingly negative language.
The Purpose of Nonviolent Communication & Expressing Observations and Feelings
Comment
First let me begin by clarifying the purpose of Nonviolent Communication. Its purpose is to help you to do what you already know how to do. Why do we need to learn something today that you already know how to do? Because sometimes we forget to do this. We forget because we’ve been educated to forget.
Now what is it that i’m talking about that we already know how to do? The purpose of this process is to help us to connect in a way that makes natural giving possible.
01:01
What do I mean by natural giving? Let me do you a song to make it clear what i mean by natural giving.
Given To
I never feel more given to
than when you take from me –
when you understand the joy I feel
giving to you.
And you know my giving isn’t done
to put you in my debt,
but because I want to live the love
I feel for you.
To receive with grace
may be the greatest giving.
There’s no way I can separate
the two.
When you give to me,
I give you my receiving.
When you take from me, I feel so
given to.
- Ruth Bebermeyer
You all know that giving, you know how to do it, and that’s what i’m interested in. Remembering to stay with that quality of giving, moment by moment, in any connection. But we also all know that it’s easy to lose that connection, so that instead of enjoying that quality of giving which is possible every moment in every contact we have. In spite of how precious that is we forget.
Instead of playing the game that song is about which i call making life wonderful for us, it’s the most fun game i’ve ever heard. Instead, much of the time we play another game called who’s right? have you ever played that game? It’s a game where everybody loses. Isn’t this amazing? We all know about this quality of giving that this song is about, it’s possible every moment, we find that the richest thing to do.
Much of our life we end up playing who’s right.
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