Explore the profound concept of 'the ask' and how it influences our reactions. Discover how to shift your perspective, avoiding offense and anger at requests. Reflect on Epictetus' teachings, emphasizing that our judgments shape our feelings. Realize you hold the power to respond calmly, whether by accepting, declining, or ignoring a request. Learn to navigate social pressures with a rational mindset, choosing to let go of unnecessary upset.
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volunteer_activism ADVICE
The Power of Choice
Recognize that requests are simply words.
Choose to not be offended, but to ignore, grant, or politely decline.
insights INSIGHT
It's Our Judgement
Epictetus observed that our judgments about events, not the events themselves, cause upset.
A request is objective; the opinion that it's objectionable is subjective.
insights INSIGHT
Complicity in Offense
When we take offense, we're complicit in our upset, choosing to be affected.
We could let the request go and see it for what it is: simply a request.
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Whether they’re asking you to pass the salt or asking you for a hundred thousand dollar loan, whether they’re asking you what you weigh or if you can come in and work on Sunday, the ask is just the ask.
We decide that it’s offensive or presumptuous or rude.
That’s what Epictetus was saying when he observed that it’s not events that upset us, but our judgement about events. The request is objective—just words coming out of someone’s mouth. The opinion that it’s objectionable is just that. Your opinion.
We have to remember that we hold this power. We don’t need to get upset. We don’t need to be taken apart. We just need to realize that all someone has done is utter some words at us, and that we are free to ignore them, grant the request, or politely explain why we’re not interested.
Epictetus said that when we get offended—when we get upset and think, “How dare they?” or “Wow, that’s a huge imposition they just tried to foist on me”—we are complicit. We have chosen to be upset. We have chosen to hear or read the request that way.
We could have just let it go. We could have seen it for what it was—simply an ask. And then moved on. We have that power. We choose whether we exercise it or not.
The Daily Stoic